Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Yachtiness

Archive for November, 2009

Beaaannnnnsssss

What a spunion. Honestly, How do you recover from this?

“Sup baby girl? I heard you like em big, and spun.”

Apparently, there is a huge obesity and ecstasy problem in the WWE.

“I swear, if they play AC/DC Bag I’m going to freak out, eat 4 triple stacks, and strip down to my underwear while covering myself in red paint. Might even shit myself later on. The guy next to me already has.”


Who Wants a Mustache Ride

Mustaches can do a number of different things depending on the person rocking the stache. A mustache can say one thing for one man, and something totally different for another. Lets go check out some noteworthy staches and do little analyzation of their meaning and background. Maybe we come up with some names for these works of facial hair. Mustaches are beloved optional facial features that everyone can enjoy– from rockstars to a child molestors– mustaches really are universal.

The Meathead: “Yeah, I play fookin football and I would have goatee but it feels uncomfortable wit my chinstrap on but really, it was getting me caught with the wife. I’d go home and say that I didn’t have a drink but the drunken slobber on my chin always seemed to reek of Glenfiddich. With mustaches, I don’t have that problem, Glenfiddy doesn’t dribble up ya know. I didn’t know if you knews that or not, but it don’t.”

The Struggler: “I just don’t fucking understand it. I did THREE regional productions of Sherlock Holmes on Ice back in Minneapolis but I just can’t seem to find work in New York. I hate this city. I think I’m going to pet my cat and write some suicide notes.”

The Whatstache?: The whatstache is for the natural stache sporter. It basically insinuates that you are so manly that you don’t even notice the mustache, hence, the whatstache?


The Creeper: “I did not grab her boobs. I grazed them. It was an accident and a complete coincidence that I was in the women’s bathroom. The story about me peeking over the changing room wall at JC Penney is a complete lie too. There are plenty of other 15 year old perve-stached kids in this town with braces.”

The Local: “I’ve been in Little 5 Points since I was sixteen. I bought my first case of PBR at 5 Points Package. All these yuppies keep moving into my part of town and spending all their money, and supporting our local economy, and it’s fucking bullshit man, I’ve been here for years!”


 


Why-tops?

What the fuck is the deal with shoes that just keep on getting higher? Don’t get me wrong, I love me some tasteful high tops but these kicks are just doo doo.

supra-skytop-2-closer-look-1

In Supra’s never ending quest of making shoes that look like snowboarding boots, they managed to take one more step towards that goal with their upcoming Supra Skytop 2 release. Not only that, but they pulled a wankster move and threw on a boujie attempt at a Jordan 6 tongue that probably hits your knee caps. I’ve never been that down with Supra because they’re not my steez, but I have always respected their original style and somewhat simplistic look. These aren’t simple. They look like the nutty professor took the top of one shoe, the bottom of another, and sewed them together as a freak experiment. For the loss Supra, I am yet to cop a pair of your shoes, and I think that streak shall continue.

24-kilates-reebok-pump-20-02

These guys look like the shoes that Patrick Ewing and Kevin Duckworth HAD to wear  at the end of their NBA careers because they were so tall and clumsy they needed space-age ankle support so their old ass legs didn’t snap. What the fuck are you supposed to wear these with? A Bigfoot costume?

air-jordan-flight-45-hi-01Hahaha these shoes look they were the original Jordan III’s customized for Carmen Diaz’s retard brother in “Something About Mary”. Brand Jordan, you should be ashamed of yourself. It looks like every feature from Jordan I thru XX held a gun to your head and told you that you had to include them on this release.

I want to strap these on my feet and go finger paint.


Who Said Women’s Sports Were Boring?

Holy sheet. I think I found the theme for the next hit porno. Eesh. These girls are fucking loco but are actually kind of hot. “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC or that song from the “300” needs to be raging in the background during this video. Either that, or silence this video and watch it with some intense electronica.

The last triple combo K.O. that girl pulls is straight off a Chuck Norris training video. The soccer ball to the face is pretty legit too. Mormons vs. New Mexicans for the win.

I officially am a fan of women’s collegiate soccer.


Big Boi, Clipse and Yelawolf LIVE in Atlanta Friday November 27th

big_boy_flyer_sm

Everyone that is going to be in Atlanta over Thanksgiving weekend has something epic to look forward to besides getting fat as shit. Gallery Group Atlanta is kicking things off right with internationally acclaimed BIG BOI of Outkast.

Antwan Andre Patton, better known by his stage name Big Boi, is an American rapper, song-writer, record producer, actor, and one half of the alternative hip hop duo Outkast. Grammy Award winning Big Boi is performing classic and new material from his upcoming album, “Sir Luscious Leftfoot: Son of Chico Dusty”.

Combined with this incredible act, platinum artists Clipse will be throwing down, including music from their new album “Til the Casket Drops”. Clipse’s will be performing new hits like “I’m Good” featuring Pharrell Williams, while also revisiting all of their chart topping hits from previous albums. These hip-hop icons and fashion entrepreneurs are ready to return to Atlanta and rock The Gallery at King Plow Arts Center.

Yelawolf will be starting things off right with his full band, The Symphony Crack Orchestra. Voted the best live show in Atlanta by Creative Loafing, the Alabama native will be putting on a seriously wild show that you definitely don’t want to miss. DJ Mayhem will be keeping the crowd hyped throughout the evening, while Gallery Group’s own Priceless the Kid will be hosting the event.

Atlanta’s own OH SNAP! Kid will be capturing this event with his signature free lance photography and photo booth which will get out of control.

This will be one for the books… Tickets will move fast and go on sale MONDAY.

Big Boi

Clipse

Yelawolf

Symphony Crack Orchestra

OH SNAP! Kid

DJ Mayhem


Fashion Shmashion Vol. Deux

As the holiday season approaches, the weather getting colder serves as a reminder to gear up on the freshy fresh that will last you from November to March. I always like winter time because it gives one the chance to get kitted out from head to toe. Don’t get me wrong– I love the summer-time steez of rocking tee’s or sportshirts with shorts and matching sneaks, but winter is the time to take that shit to the next level, ése. Tweed, houndstooth, suede, cashmere, wool, and neutrals combined with nontraditional colors is the Looker T. Washington this winter. Jackets, vests, sweaters, hoodies with bomb tee’s or dress shirts from the waist up, cords or jeans with shoes to match the shirt from the waist down, and some sort of head covering mechanism to finish the fuckin drill. What I’m going to do next is drop some knowledge on you suckas about shoes that are being released this month. Take a seat by the fire and let Le Don show you how to keep those Christmas socks covered in something fresh.

Asics GT-II Tweed Pack

BAM, just like that you got some heaterbockles that everyone can appreciate. Asics are underrated in my awesome opinion and these are super serial and a quality addition to any closet. These Asics GT-II Tweed Packs have the old-school Fratty McFratterson appeal, while keeping the colorway variance dope enough to catch someones eye, without being too much. These kicks are as versatile as you want them to be. Dress them up with a button-down and cord blazer, or dress them down with a hoodie and a Bill Crispy tee. Either way, these are heaters have just enough “umph” to put some bourbon in your nog.

Vans Winter Chukka

Fuck your Dad’s boat shoes and your frat bros Wallabee’s. Get emo on some folk and drop the Vans Chukka on that ass to let them know you’re not a number. These neutrals will kill in any setting. I’d even consider taking these on the feet to church on Christmas Eve with a heady holiday sweater and a mustache. Get on these steezers and remix your traditional footwear with something new. Classic appeal FTMFW.

Nike Dunk SB Low "Un-Hemp"

Cop these bad boys if you like a hot sauce on your collard greens. Nike SB is cracking down on the wackness that had been plaguing most of their 2009 droppings and finishing off the year right with their November and December releases. These Nike SB Dunk Low “UnHemps” look like a sex baby between the Dunk SB  “Hunters” and the Dunk SB “Hemps”. The mellow tone of the hemp combined with the “don’t-shoot-me-i’m-hunting” orange make one rad shoe for the sneaker enthusiast. Definitely not as versatile as the others on this list, but are an absolute smash if you want to turn some heads. I don’t know about you, but I always walk a little easier knowing that I have industrial grade marijuana on my feet.

Del Toro Shoes

Come correct to your next black tie event or holiday party with a classy pair of evening slippers to go along with your cocaine and caviar. A great friend of mine in Miami, Florida started this company, Del Toro Shoes, with Stubbs & Wooton in mind, but offers his high quality shoes at about 1/4th of the price. Easy to dress down to casual with jeans and a blazer, these slippers are more versatile than one might think. Offering dozens of emroidered designs and customizable options, you can add your own touch to any pair of Del Toro’s. Raise your pinky when you drink that Champagne and get yachty this New Year’s Eve with this timeless style that is rarely seen in the South.

Spaulding, take your foot off the boat.


5 Funky Ways to Feel Good

It’s amazing how a new song or a fresh artist can make completely turn your day around. Considering the fact that work blows and so does a lot of music, I’ve compiled a short list of songs, artists, music videos, or albums that will hopefully alleviate some of the wompness that shits on your day. Instead of wowing you with my intellect and describing music with ridiculous adjectives that you don’t have time to look up on dictionary.com, I’ve decided to make it easier for the masses to understand how this music makes you feel through elaborate imagery and ridiculous scenario’s where this music is appropriate. Each week, I will update LeDonFrancois.com with another short list of can’t miss music. Some of the artists I have written about, some I have not, some are well-known, and some are on their way– all have that vibe that will put some jelly in your doughnut.

Washed Out

1. ArtistWashed Out–   The subject of much recent buzz locally and nationally, Washed Out is taking feel good music to the next level. Washed Out seemingly transcends reality and engages the listener with hypnotic melodies, intoxicating vocals, and catchy eighties-esque beats that music lovers of any genre will enjoy. Instead of skipping from song to song when listening to an album, I find myself listening to Washed Out’s music all the way through, and many times taking it back to the top when the music stops. Being featured in Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, and the New York Times, Washed Out certainly has not wasted any time gaining the spotlight.

How it makes me feel: Like I’m a fucking baller sitting on a beach in Belize with an 80’s, blonde flat-top while I pay 5 cents per cerveza to the nicest old waiter who tells funny jokes. There’s a beautiful broad that looks like shes from the future sitting next to me and she just keeps on telling me I’m awesome. There are some other people there, I like them, and they’re all groovin. Iguanas and shit. Win.

I don’t know what the f is going on but my myspace links aren’t working so go to http://www.myspace.com/thebabeinthewoods to listen to Washed Out

2. Album: “Manners” by Passion Pit– Soulful and passionate music that makes you want to dance like you are good at it and hug people instead of getting all emo and talking about feelings. Passion Pit is on absolute fire. Taking the United States and Europe by storm with their new album “Manners”, Michael Angelakos and his bandmates have experienced a meteoric rise over the past year. Their sound is like crack and their live performance is one of the best I’ve ever witnessed. If you’re not on the Passion Pit train, jump on it and ride because these guys are going straight to the top. Woop woop. I listen to this album pretty much daily when I get done with a long day of hard work. Windows down. Epic.

How it makes me feel: Like I’m walking down the street at a fast pace with a smile on my face and everyone I pass by is feeling the same way and “Manners” is playing as the background music (aka soundtrack). Everyone I pass I shoot them the guns (Zoolander style) and say “Yeah!” and they shoot them back and say “Alright!” and one of us does a spin move and we both keep on walking towards the next smiling face. Heavy bass in harmony with my footsteps. Euphoric.

Listen at http://www.myspace.com/passionpitjams

ptkblog

3. Song: “Feel Good” by Pricless the Kid– Stealing this track off his upcoming mixtape for Diamond Supply Co. called “Diamond Life”. Price was holding this banger for the tape but like all good music, it leaked so he went ahead and gave it to the public on the free free. “Feel Good” is a smash that PTK did with T-Pains newest artist, Doe Boy, and the ever-so-talented producers Ashanti “The Mad Violinist” Floyd and Chris Morgan. This track is one to get down to. Not only is the beat on point, but they lyrics make you want to live your life like it’s a weekend.

How it makes me feel: Like I’m on a big ol yacht with an ascot, white oxford with my initials on the sleeve, a navy blazer, and an ever-so-necessary captains hat on while I have a bunch of pretty ladies sitting there basking in the sun rolling me up government issues. A good looking Puerto Rican beauty asks me how I take my mojito. I tell her to make it how I like it dadgummit, and she just does it. I feel like I’m the man, and apparently I am, considering the yacht and the amazing women rolling up funky.

Listen to “Feel Good” by Priceless the Kid

4. Song/Music Video: “99Luft Balons” by Nena (German version)- Although I don’t understand one word of this song, it’s one of my all-time favorites. This 80’s video is a prime example of what some big hair, a funky beat, and a little cocaine can do for the music industry. Who needs to know what the lyrics actually mean when the song is this good? This is one of those tracks where if I tried to describe it, you would have no fucking clue what song I’m talking about, but once the beat started bumping you’d say “Oh, yaaaaaaa! I know this jam.” Don’t waste your time downloading the American version. The German version is significantly yachtier and makes you feel cultured at the same time. I love the way Nena is looking at me when the video starts, I don’t know what shes saying but I’m going to go ahead and assume that it’s very sexual and directed towards me. The video is extremely weird but the song is epic and Nena is one bangin Germ. This was our soundtrack to this past weekend in Nashville so you can imagine how stellar my weekend was. Having a song stuck in your head is one thing, and having one stuck in your head that you don’t speak or understand is just a doozie.

How it makes me feel: Like I’m in a discoteca in Prague on my birthday and there are people from all over the world in one big rager den of a club and some bastard dosed be with the best ecstasy in Europe. I’m doing the running man as fast as I can and having an intense competition with myself and look up to find the entire club doing the running man at the same pace as me. All these goofy European fucks have a clueless smile on their face and are looking at me with that blank Idontspeakyourlanguage-smile where they don’t really understand what is going on but they’re doing it just because they think they’re supposed to. Then, out of nowhere, the song slows down dramatically and Kelly Kapowski comes walking towards me through a cloud of smoke singing the words in German. I tell her I love her, she says something in German that I don’t understand, we kiss, and then the beat starts raging and the running man continues.

5. Album: “Crystal Castles” by Crystal Castles- Crystal Castles is an experimental electronic music band from the province of Ontario consisting of producer Ethan Kath and vocalist Alice Glass that redefine the word intense. Although well-known throughout the rest of the country and Europe, Atlanta seems to be runt of the litter when it comes to adapting to and discovering new music. Originally, it was just producer Ethan Kath but after witnessing Alice Glass perform a live show with her punk band, he quickly decided she was the missing ingredient to his music and they started recording together. Kath’s intricate beats are sometimes soothing and sometimes chaotic, but blend well with Glass’s distinct vocals to create a vibe that is rarely found in most electronic music. Just an example of how hard this duo throws down, one of  Crystal Castles shows in Los Angeles this summer was shut down by the riot police because of safety precautions. Sounds like a party to me.

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How it makes me feel: Like I’m at a hipster rave in an underground music club and all the people’s eyes have gone black (True Blood style) and are in trance of raging unlike anything I’ve ever seen. All the humans there look like robots and all the characters from Mario Kart 64 are at the party. Wario starts a moshpit. Every time people bump into each other the “ching” from Mario on Nintendo sound resonates. Luigi is breakdancing and spinning on his head while Yoshi is bouncing around like crazy and is more jacked up on boog shug than Chevy Chase in Caddyshack. I walk out of the club at 6am and the Batmobile is there waiting to give me a ride home. Digital and bombastic. Trippy.

Listen at http://www.myspace.com/crystalcastles

All of these artists are available on iTunes. Go get yourself some good music.