Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Yachtiness

Who Wants a Mustache Ride

Mustaches can do a number of different things depending on the person rocking the stache. A mustache can say one thing for one man, and something totally different for another. Lets go check out some noteworthy staches and do little analyzation of their meaning and background. Maybe we come up with some names for these works of facial hair. Mustaches are beloved optional facial features that everyone can enjoy– from rockstars to a child molestors– mustaches really are universal.

The Meathead: “Yeah, I play fookin football and I would have goatee but it feels uncomfortable wit my chinstrap on but really, it was getting me caught with the wife. I’d go home and say that I didn’t have a drink but the drunken slobber on my chin always seemed to reek of Glenfiddich. With mustaches, I don’t have that problem, Glenfiddy doesn’t dribble up ya know. I didn’t know if you knews that or not, but it don’t.”

The Struggler: “I just don’t fucking understand it. I did THREE regional productions of Sherlock Holmes on Ice back in Minneapolis but I just can’t seem to find work in New York. I hate this city. I think I’m going to pet my cat and write some suicide notes.”

The Whatstache?: The whatstache is for the natural stache sporter. It basically insinuates that you are so manly that you don’t even notice the mustache, hence, the whatstache?


The Creeper: “I did not grab her boobs. I grazed them. It was an accident and a complete coincidence that I was in the women’s bathroom. The story about me peeking over the changing room wall at JC Penney is a complete lie too. There are plenty of other 15 year old perve-stached kids in this town with braces.”

The Local: “I’ve been in Little 5 Points since I was sixteen. I bought my first case of PBR at 5 Points Package. All these yuppies keep moving into my part of town and spending all their money, and supporting our local economy, and it’s fucking bullshit man, I’ve been here for years!”


 

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