Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Yachtiness

Archive for March, 2010

Best First Date Ever

Atlanta, being known for its not-so-classy surrounding areas, proves that there truly are perves that will spend whatever it takes to get some ass. For only $3oo, a pilot will take you on a romantic flight where you fly around Atlanta in an airplane and scrump while some alcoholic, ex-Delta pilot sits no less that 5 feet away. Don’t fret, “Mile High Club” pilots are extremely confidential. However, that does not stop them from doing anything else creepy such as watch, video record it, or just listen. I’m sure the clientele doesn’t mind though, because anyone boojie enough to go on this trip is probably named Dusty and drove in from McDonough in a pickup. To make things even creepier, the $300 date includes the sheets that you just had sex in, and a certificate of being an official member of the “Mile High Club”. The sad thing is that’s not a joke.

For all you future sex offenders that thought this sounded awesome, take a peak at the plane you will be riding in. Not exactly a G5, eh? If I tried to take any women that are up to par on a “get-a-away” like this, they would look at me like a garbageman and tell me their Daddies plane is nicer than this thing.

If  you ever have an urge to join the “Mile High Club”, make sure that it’s on a commercial flight where everyone can hear you to confirm you are, in fact, a member. A “commercial” member that earned their stripes through pure talent and boldness, and probably 8 airplane bottles of Absolute. Let’s earn these awards the right way people. This is practically cheating and besides, a low rent $300 dollar trip in a shitty plane is hardly anything to brag about.

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Stalking 4 Dummies

In technologies never ending quest of making reality take the back burner to social networking and virtual interaction, it has once again taken a step closer to hand shaking being obsolete, and stalking being that much more mainstream. “Recognzr” is a new iPhone app that lets you take a picture of someones face, hit “recognize”, then the app searches Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace for the person you just sketchily took a picture of.

In my awesome opinion, I think that walking up to someone with an outstretched hand as on offer of introduction is a more conventional and personable method, but what do I know, I don’t kidnap babies. How creepy can one get? How would you go about doing this? Act like your reading an email at eye level of the girl across from you on MARTA and totally play it off like nothing happened when it makes the camera shudder noise?

“Hey you look pretty cool, maybe we can be friends on Facebook, stand there while I take a picture of your face and my phone identifies you and where you live.” What normal girl wouldn’t love that? Seems to me like a device that would be great for a movie like “Hostel”. Eastern European dudes would go crazy for this app.

“Look, Vladimir, check out this great new opplication. Now, we can tell what country a tourist is from, their age, and better valuate their worth when we sell them as sex slaves.”

If this application makes any top 25 lists on iTunes, I’m putting extra locks on my doors. Creeps.