Outside Lands Festival. Phish, Deadmau5, Arcade Fyerrrrr, Black Keys, The Roots, STS9, GT, Big Boi, Muse, MGMT, Toro y Moi, Best Coast, and a bunch of other hipstamatic bands and artists all at Golden Gate Park in San Fran… Aug 12-14… I’ll be there yachting it up and weaving my way into the fibers of the hipster elite.
Original Nate Frizzell piece. I tried to book this guy for an art show in Atlanta but his agent said that his weekends were booked solid in 2010… obvi means he’s all the rage with the skinny-pant-wearing-Pabst-drinking crowd in Brooklyn.
Mishka x Wavves snapback. Mishka NYC, based out of Brooklyn, teamed up with noise pop band, Wavves, out of San Diego to create this incredible headwear. Adorned with a marijuana leaf in one of my favorite colors, this hat is a must have for me. They only made a handful of these for online and retail purchase, the rest were reserved for the merch booth at Wavves shows… how fuckin hipster is that?
This hat is going for like $200 on e-Bay so I tried to get a beautiful female companion to go to the Mishka store and try and flirt her way into getting me one, but then she realized she was in Brooklyn and ran for the first train to Manhattan. Models… can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
Not the momma!
My Dad totally owns a dealership.
Outchea! 4Twenty Arts & Music Festival at King Plow Arts Center is coming, well, on 4/20… Shout out to Wolfdog & ABV for the swagged out artwork.
King Plow Arts Center, Pryourity Clothing, and Fadia Kader announce the 1st Annual 4Twenty Art & Music Fest at King Plow Arts Center on Wednesday, April 20th, 2011. This event is an infusion of live art and music, featuring incredible visual artists painting live while your favorite musicians rock the stage in a unique, historic venue. Cyhi Da Prynce headlines the group of musicians and he will be joined by Pill, Laws, The Mad Violinist, Priceless the Kid, The Starting 5, DJ Dibiase, and other surprise guests to be named later. Greg Mike and the ABV Collective team of artists will be doing live paintings that will be available for purchase online after the event at http://www.abvatl.com.
Cyhi Da Prynce, part of Kanye West’s G.O.O.D Music Group and Konvict/Def Jam records, will be performing new and old material that has earned him a reputation as one of the best lyricists in the game and the recent cover of XXL magazine “2011 Freshman of the Year” Edition. The Building/Atlantic records (Kane Beatz) producer and artist, Ashanti “The Mad Violinist” will be sharing the stage with Cyhi for what is sure to be a memorable performance. The other major artists that will hit the stage include Maybach Music recording artist and Atlanta native, Pill, and J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League artist Laws. Atlanta’s favorite DJ, Dibiase, will be spinning throughout the night. Pilot Music’s The Starting 5, Priceless the Kid, Define Jones, Dinero Ferrar, and many other local musicians will kick the live music off right. Don’t sleep on this event because there are sure to be plenty of surprise guests.
ABV Creative Agency and Art Gallery and their team of artists will be putting their talents to use on three huge 8’x8’ panels. Formally trained studio and renowned street artist, Greg Mike, will be leading the ABV team consisting of Wolfdog, Ash Lethal, and other local artists. The artwork created at the event will be for sale online after the event at www.abvatl.com.
This item is real and you can buy it for your baby for only $29.99 here.
Shout out to Travi$ Hodge for this gem.
Representing the headbands of Tommy Chong and “Cheech” Marin, the Nike Dunk SB “Cheech & Chong” is the newest stoner themed SB to hit the shelves on 4/20. To the naked eye, I would say these shoes are fugly considering the copious amounts of white canvas, and we all know that white shoes are for Mexican’s.
Wait, but Nike Skateboarding actually threw a curveball with these bad boys. The white material covering the shoe is a “tearaway” canvas that cloaks a green suede underneath, only revealed when scuffed or torn. Heady! Here’s a closeup teaser pic of the canvas torn away to reveal the green suede…
Below is a picture of last years 4/20 release.
Much bigger fan of last years “Skunk Dunks”, complete with a stash pocket for hiding your nugs, brah.
This past weekend, I had the inconvenience of having to fly on a commercial flight to my destination, which means it was dirty and smelled like a hospital. Per usual, the first thing I did once I found my seat was locate the newest & hottest issue of Sky Mall. Since its rude to walk up and down the aisles staring at the ugly melting pot of retards, I always find the Sky Mall publication to be the second best option to people watching. A few products in the most recent issue caught my eye, and I find it hard to believe that someone with any sort of decision making power allowed these products to go-to-market, but they did.
Look at these fly ass kicks. They are similar to any of your Dad’s running shoes, except for the fact that their logo is literally a cartoon sperm. These sneakers have nothing to do with AIDS, procreation, or mens volleyball, yet look gayer than Mario Lopez in a hot dog eating contest. Who did the branding for this company? My only explanation is that they are foreign, but if that’s not the international symbol for sperm, I don’t know what is.
I don’t even know what to say about this one. It’s too unbelievable. To quote the product description, “Our patented Wrist Cell Phone Carrier conveniently holds your cell phone in comfort (no bulging pockets or digging through your purse or briefcase!) Best of all, it can be quickly and easily flipped open to answer with a flick of the wrist.”
Ohhhhhhh! Okay, now I get it. For a second there, I thought this product was completely fucking stupid and useless. 1998 called, they want their Motorola Razor back.
I’m pretty sure my dog would chew his legs off if I tried to put these on him. Kitten mittens for dogs!? An idea so bad, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” made an entire episode based on the absurdity of such an idea.
Charlie Kelly is the genius mind behind “Kitten Mittens”, and he made a promotional video to sell you on these pet accessories for homosexual animals.
An ode to being able to dress as ridiculous as one wants, and still being able to pull girls. It’s almost as good as my upcoming debut rap song called “She’s Like Chick-fil-A on Sunday”. Don’t get any ideas haters, the song already features Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, and Lil Wayne so don’t try to cramp my cool with a knockoff– it won’t touch it.
People from Athens are eskimo brothers with kids from Boulder, Colorado. Both love to get down, are smarter than the average bear, are heady as shit, and spend their parents money like a trust fund baby on a coke binge.
You’re welcome for this video. Apparently, these kids slang ecstasy up in Boulder and make hilarious music videos with the proceeds of their “hobby”. Hence, their group name “The Connects”.
Based off of the fly Alife gear sprinkled throughout the video, the dance scene on the roof in front of the Fox Theatre (Boulder’s staple theatre similar to the Ga Theatre), the use of the word “boujie” followed by knock-off Coogi, and the sheer number of good looking girls in this school project video, I think it’s safe to say these guys get it.
“No f*cking clue how I’m getting these honey’s, looking like a f*cking zoo in my zebra onezie.” Genius.
This guy enjoys getting his penis slobbed on by cows. Not just any cows, but little baby ones. Say hello to the rightfully suspended police officer named Robert Melia. Stop thinking about how much this guy looks like the owl from the Tootsie Roll “How many licks?” commercials and start thinking about how far you want to stay away from this creep. In 2006, Melia was charged with animal cruelty for sticking his purple headed yogurt slinger into the mouth of FIVE different cows in Burlington County, New Jersey and the charges were just recently dropped. Apparently, bestiality is still legal in New Jowsey. WTF!?
There is something seriously wrong with our legal system if someone can walk away from something as perverse as this. Also, how the fuck is bestiality not illegal there? I mean honestly, it literally means having sex with animals. How is that possible? I know plenty of people that have gotten drunk and made some bad decisions, but I’m yet to hear a story about someone waking up next to something that isn’t human. To be honest, I would probably bang a mermaid, but that’s about as far as it goes. Besides, the laws are a little blurry when it comes to supernatural creatures anyways. Seriously though, how do you even get to that point where you decide to start having sexual relations with an animal? I mean, it just seems like a lose-lose situation.
New Jersey hasn’t gotten around to outlawing bestiality yet, so this guy gets to use the same water fountains and public playgrounds that your darling children get to use. Really? This guy walks around sticking his wanker in live beef and gets to live a normal life while people are going to jail for marijuana. If you did a poll in your local community and asked everyone if they would rather have potheads or cowfuckers in their town, what do you think the outcome would be? My faith in mankind wants to think potheads would win by a landslide.
I know this is a shocker, but this COP is also accused of sexually assaulting three young girls and one little boy. Let me get this straight. This guy molests litte girls, little boys, little cows, and he’s not in jail getting raped by Bubba yet? That’s a crying shame. Can’t wait to see the YouTube video of this guy burning in hell.
Check out Robert Melia’s girlfriend. If I were him, I would’ve told the judge that I was just confused and thought the cows were my girlfriend.
I knew I loved this company when they collabed with Etnies and came out with shoes that read “FUCKING AWESOME” across the heel. Then, when they dropped their fall/winter collection lookbook that featured vagabonds as their models, I just about peed myself. This line really is “Fucking Awesome”.
Whats better than having old ass bums as your models? Absolutely nothing. Not only can you pay them with a 40 oz. or some crack rock, but they make the photographer look like Estevan Oriol. I mean look at these dudes. These guys look like they are coming out of a 14 month blackout and they are making modeling look easy. The first guy has no idea what the hell is going on, staring at the photographer like “Who the fuck are you and where the hell is my dadgum shopping cart? I got sardines in there.”
Bahahaha. Come on. Really? This one is the essence of humor. A bitter-beer faced, old black man rocking a shirt that reads “Fucking Awesome”, and staring off to the distance like a supermodel, while itching his crotch like a crack head. It honestly doesn’t get more clever than that. I bet the guys that started this line are cool as shit and got these bums all boozed up and introduced them to a bunch of pretty ladies afterwards. Think about that awkward interaction. I mean that is exactly what I would do if I were them. Can you imagine these guys wandering around the launch party aimlessly, staring off into space and mumbling shit under their breath? I don’t know about you guys, but I think thats a mental image worth making a reality.
“I got this gay shirt on with some alien on it and these crazy ass fags are taking pictures of me.”
This guy is an exemplary bum. He looks like one of the grumpy, pissed off homeless guys that just yells shit at you when you walk by. He’s even giving the photographer the “What the fuck are you looking at?” face. Completely awesome. They probably had to do some Crocodile Hunter type shit to get this guy into the studio. “Crikey, this guys a fiesty one. Lets use the tranquiliza dawt and shoot him right in the neck and get him to calm down niiiice n easy before we transport this beauty.” I’m pretty sure they risked their lives bringing this guy in.
Not only do people have the audacity to rock shirts that explicitly display four letter words, but there’s also that same market for footwear. I almost bought these guys, then I remembered that I have parents, and my parents wouldn’t think these are fucking awesome. It’s one thing to say it every other word on your blog that is written by an alias, but it’s a totally different beast walking around with shoes that literally scream “Fucking Awesome”. My Mom would literally wash my mouth out with soap for wearing these, which is kind of rad if you think about it. I can totally see some punk 15 year old hipster kid rolling into his parents house with these bad boys on thinking how cool he was. Then, subsequently crashing back to reality once his mom throws these things away faster than his dime bag of shwag he left in the dirty laundry.
Props, “Fucking Awesome”. You had the balls to release a clothing line that is named after a phrase you dropped after watching Shark Week. I don’t think you’ll be moving your offices to Madison Avenue anytime soon, but I commend you for launching shirts that are so hipster, that even the gnarliest of mustache sporting, skinny jean wearing, pseudo-intellects can’t even wear them.
Ok, Nike, please stop dropping kicks that cater to 14 year old suburban kids. I’m convinced that your designers work at the local Macy’s and pick up on trends a year after they’ve been worn out worse than Paris Hilton’s yoo hoo.
You take one of the bombest running shoes ever, the Nike Air Huarache, and combine it with another epic shoe, the Nike Air Max 90, and THIS is the first colorway you come up with??? Elephant print AGAIN? That is fucking retar-tar in my honest opinion. Elephant print has become custy as fock for a while now because your designers have a tendency to flog the shit out of styles until they’re no longer cool. This has to stop or else my shoe rack will look like a petting zoo.
Wow, these are going to fly off the shelves. A skateboard deck made and targeted for homosexuals.
I don’t know about you, but most skaters I see don’t really look like the type of guys that would say “Hmmm, that kickflip was SUPER cute. OMG! I just haaaaaaaave to learn how to do that, you batch.” Sorry Marc, I just don’t think luxury brands have an audience with a sport that rebels against fashion trends and despises corporate culture.
Although the color scheme is a little on the limp-wrist side, you gotta love the same Pump’s that Michael Chang used to rock, in a colorway that exudes party time. First off, Pumps are epic. Now, factor into the equation that they are the “Miami Vice” edition. That makes them legendary and appropriate to wear to yacht clubs, black tie events, and anywhere Kate Moss can be found. Win.
I wasn’t aware that people were still down with doing ether but you can always count on the blue collar, old school grunge hippies to break out the good stuff. Honestly, I don’t what this guy is on but I think everyone needs to steer clear. Anybody seen the show Eastbound and Down? This is quite reminiscent of the dance rendition Kenny Powers put on at the middle school dance. These bong fuckers are literally on their own planet and I love it. A couple observations that you might find enjoyable. Please note:
- The main guys Ramone’s shirt that was redesigned by Spiderman. That shit is awesome. Tucked in with the black belt and black jeans makes me want to go buy a pack of Doral’s.
- The guy in the back with the mustache’s striking resemblance to the Monopoly man. All he needs is a monocle. P.S. Sick cycling shoes. I bet you feel like a robot.
- The fact that both of these creeps are rocking those bandana-ish hats that you can only find at truck stops along the highway. They obviously rode together. Or shared a space ship.
- The extent of the obliviousness of the peope that are surrounding them. Apparently, not many people noticed the epicurian dance party that was going down. I can guarantee you Don Francois would be right in the middle of this rager.
Props for going to the edge you crazy fuckers, but I think I’ll stand a few steps back and just watch you guys make fools of yourselves.
A quick mental image to get you through the weekend: Imagine these guys 5 hours AFTER this video was taken. I don’t know where they’d be, but I bet it involves an alleyway, alcohol, mescaline, broken glass, and a whole lot of lonesomeness.
This guy has managed to actually be more stupid than he looks. I saw an article about this dude in a stall in Florida when I was down there last weekend and I knew it was blogworthy.
This dumb fucker must be one of the stupidest people on Earth. Two weeks ago in Tallahassee, Florida, this man genius went to the drive-thru teller and deposited $200 cash, a deposit slip, a bag of weed, and a small bag of cocaine into the bank. WTF? Are you kidding? This dude must have been whacked out of his brain or just literally the dumbest person to ever drive a car. Honestly, how fucking stupid can you be to put that shit in the canister, look at it, not think anything of it, and then shoot it over to the bank teller?
The teller tipped off the local police that a fucktard driving a white SUV had deposited a misdemeanor and a felony. The really smart guy realized what he had done and went BACK thru the teller line to get back his ganja and nose candy. Much to his surprise, the police were waiting there for him. When asked about it he replied, “If you said that I did it, then I did it.”
Way to play your cards there home slice.
I pray this guy doesn’t have kids.
Yeah dawg, thats smart as fuck. You won’t regret that in 2 days.
Oh, don’t worry about that nug behind your ear, you’re hired! Besides, you can always just cover that right up with your hair whenever we’re around clients.
That’s a very creative jail tatt you got there. Have fun explaining that one to your kids.
Honestly, how sick are you of being called a pothead?
It’s a sad day for music lovers in Athens, Georgia and to anyone that’s ever had the pleasure of going to a show at the historic Georgia Theater. Early this morning, around 7am, a fire began that eventually led to the collapse of the building located in the heart of downtown Athens. Widespread Panic, R.E.M, and the B-52’s are three world-famous bands that graced the stage of the Georgia Theater during its reign over downtown Athens and helped mold the venue into a music landmark. I can’t help but be extremely disheartened when I think of all the experiences that I had in that building.
Some of my fondest memories of my four and a half years at the University of Georgia took place in the storied Georgia Theatre. Affectionately known among my friends and I as “The GATH” or “GATHY”, I had the pleasure of going to shows at the venue weekly throughout my tenure at UGA. I can’ t count the amount of friends I made at that place, the times I had with them, and the years that we took off our life while raging there. Everytime I walked in that joint, I could count on having a great time with the people that I came with, and the people that I knew I was going to run into when I got there. Even on Gamedays (yes, it’s capitalized), I would always love going into the Theatre whenever we stepped out of the game early and start boozing with Swamp, Wilmot, and the other friendly faces that were staples of the Georgia Theatre. I have been back on multiple occasions to relive the glory days and check out some music since I’ve been in the “real world”, and the Theatre certainly hadn’t lost it’s zing. Not only did I nearly have a nostalgia attack just from walking back into the place, but also at the sheer number of familiar faces I saw after being displaced from Athens for nearly two years.
It was a fixture of Athens and my best friends and I spent countless nights tripping our faces off to some of the best bands around. Musicians and fans alike had a strong affinity for the venue and it was evident by the amount of bands that repeatedly came back year after year. A lot of great local bands were proud to call the Theatre home. Even world renowned bands loved the GATH and would come back and play there when they could easily sell out much larger venues. Sound Tribe Sector 9, Widespread Panic, String Cheese, Drive By Truckers, Beck, Galactic, The Disco Biscuits, Ween, Perpetual Groove, Lotus, Umphrey’s McGee, Band of Horses, Girl Talk, and Bone Thugs ‘n Harmony are just some of the many bands that I had the pleasure of witnessing during my tenure in Athens. It really is incredible to think of how many great bands took stage at the corner of Lumpkin and Clayton throughout the years.
This is truly a sad day. I’ve received countless texts and emails from friends that I shared experiences with at the Georgia Theatre. It really is an odd feeling. A great friend of mine that I haven’t spoken to in a while sent me a message early this morning. It read, “RIP GA Theatre. Think about all them times me and you raged it in that place. God dang.” Another friend, who is now on the other side of the country said, “Everyone else was out getting blasted in the bars, but we were in the Theatre getting our funk on, and I wouldn’t take back one second of it.” Altough not profound or philosphical statements, it was certainly true. Good times were always to be had in ‘ol Gathy and that’s a maja maja understatement. As sad and dramatic as this sounds at first, I feel like the Georgia Theatre helped influence me into the person I am today.
It’s important to be thankful for all the times we had in the Georgia Theatre. It’s a blessing that it passed away in it’s sleep and that noone was hurt. Let’s hope that the historic landmark is rebuilt and once again is a house of music so newcomers can experience the yachtiness that was the GATH. We shall miss you Gathy, and we hope that you are resurrected and once again open your doors. If you do, I will be there, and I plan on losing a shit ton of brain cells when that day comes.
What was your craziest or fondest memory of the Georgia Theatre? What will you remember most? Feel free to leave comments and this could get pretty entertaining. A benefit for the displaced employees will be put on by my good friends Perpetual Groove at the Classic Center tomorrow at 9pm.
Example Comment: ________ was awesome. I remember when it was me, _______ , _________, and ________ and we ate _______ and did _______. Man, that was _______. Can’t wait til ______ comes to town and we get to ________ again.
Are you ever watching tv and just think to yourself, “Man, this person has got to be a stoner”? I’m not talking about a red-eyed, red flag of a stoner that is stuffing their face with Doritos and saying “-izzle” after every word that comes out of their mouth. I’m just talking about looking at someone that doesn’t exude wookieness and knowing they’re a blazer just by their demeanor. Bill Murray, James Franco, Pharell Williams, Owen Wilson, Drama Beats from “Rob & Big”, and Kate Hudson are just a few celebs that I think look like they get their Bob Marley on when the camera isn’t around.
I was watching the season premier of “Run’s House” last night on MTV. (Yes, I do watch Run’s House and I fucking love it. Rev Run is a great role model and father, and the show is better than most MTV trash, so eat it.) Anyways, during the season premier, Rev’s eldest son JoJo rolls up to the pool at a resort in Hawaii with a shit-eating grin on his face, and a random Hawaaian dude that looked higher than Jack Nicholson in “Free Rider”. His sisters ask the two where they met, and JoJo basically spells it out for everyone by saying “on the beach”. AKA, he was walking around looking for bud and this Hawaaian dude with a ponytail hooked it up with some Sour Deez. Owesome.
Anyways, I was with my homie Eastside Ash and I said to him, “Damn, Jojo has got to be a blazer.” He responded with, “Yurp, homie was arrested for weed last month.” I obviously started googling (it’s officially a verb) and immediately found out that the aspiring rapper was popped in NYC for buying bud and was caught in the process of rolling a j in his BMW on May 9th, 2009. I know this may not come to a surprise to some of you because this happened a month ago, but I figured it was acceptable because the show premiered last night.
Why am I writing a blog about this? Well, I think it’s a damn shame that we all had to find out that JoJo smokes bud just because he was arrested for it. It seems like the only smokers that are open about their antics are in Cali, and that just ain’t right. I’d rather find out that JoJo rips reefer by him passing me a joint at a party in the Hamptons, and not by reading some haters article about him being arrested for buying a friendly little dime bag. If I smoked bud (IF), I would be upset that a little plant that happens to make you feel a little saucy is illegal. I mean, if tequila is legal, then marijuana should be encouraged because I’ve done a lot more dumb shit with a bottle of alcohol than with a sack of Mary Jane.
Every so often I’ll do another story on another stoner, just to exemplify the fact A LOT of people in this country smoke reef, and most of them aren’t all bad. Hell, even honest Abe Lincoln was know to hit the peace pipe. In a journal written in 1855 by the most popular US President of all times, Lincoln states, “”Two of my favorite things are sitting on my front porch smoking a pipe of sweet hemp, and playing my Hohner harmonica.” For the win!
This Saturday, Zoo Atlanta is putting on their game face and throwing their second annual “Brew at the Zoo and Wine Too”. What does that entail exactly? How about a Saturday filled with monkeys, pandas, lions (rarrr), beer, reptiles, vino, and some Yacht Rock? In my cocky opinion, I’d say like it sounds like a fucking win.
Starting at 4pm (plenty of time for all you fuck ups to sober up from Friday night), the yachtiest people in Atlanta will start flooding the Atlanta Zoo in Grant Park for a good old drinking fest. Walk in, get your “tasting” mug, and get to sipping.
Terrapin, Sweetwater, and Red Brick are all sponsoring so the quality of the beer is already setting the tone for what is to be a rocking good time (there’s also wine for all you limp-wrists out there). I don’t know about you, but drinking some 420 while watching Ring-tailed Lemurs frollick in the treetops sounds like history in the making.
The epicness of this event does not stop there, live music will be playing all day long for your listening pleasure. I don’t know who The Brotherland, Kyshona, Stokeswood, or Bailey Player are, but they are playing and it’s been rumored that they are all on the verge of being the best bands in the world.
Although those aforementioned bands haven’t had the pleasure of me listening to their music, I have had the distinct pleasure of seeing Y-O-U and Yacht Rock on multiple occasions. Let me tell you right now, be prepared to get fucked up side the head with awesomeness. Yacht Rock jams out serious AM Gold circa 1973, and they do it right. They oh so smoothly caress your eardrums with sweet music by the likes of Steely Dan, Michael McDonald, Hall and Oates, Captain and Tenille, Toto, and many other yachty musicians. If you haven’t seen Yacht Rock yet and aren’t planning on going to see them tomorrow, then you’re probably a tranny.
Y-O-U, the brains behind Yacht Rock Revue, are also rocking your face off courtesy of Brew at the Zoo. My good friend and lead singer, Nicholas Niespodziani and his two cohorts, Peter Olson and Mark Cobb, will be playing their original music for all of you animals to enjoy. Y-O-U is an extremely talented group of guys and I have no doubt that everyone will love what they bring to the table. If you are broke, out of town or poor and can’t make it tomorrow, Yacht Rock commits murder every Thursday night at 10 High in the Highlands and the first friday of every month at Andrews Upstairs. Y-O-U will be also be playing at The Earl on the 27th of this month if you’re interested in some good musica. Here’s a video done by Y-O-U and the beautiful Gina Niespodziani that will give you a taste of their original sound and creative genius (your fuckin right it’s all done with Lite Brite and a camera).
Brew at the Zoo is destined to be a great time for all parties involved, even the animals. Oh, and Buckhead fuckers, this may be your chance to get outside your bumble and have a blast. Just kidding. I love you. But seriously, I’ll see you at Zoo Atlanta for a drunken festy of a good time. If you need me, I’ll be the guys swinging from the trees with a sailors cap on. Ow ow.
Ok, Nationwide, I saw this commercial last night and I have to know what the fuck is going on here. I’m all for equal opportunity employment and all that jazz but honestly, why the fuck do you have a mentally retarded man speaking on behalf of your company? I can’t look at this dude and not laugh and you expect this guy will HELP you sell insurance? I wouldn’t trust this guy to sell me crack, or heroine for that matter.
Picture yourself getting into a car accident, frustrated as shit that some dumbfuck just hit you, and then you have to call THIS GUY. I would rather call Dr. Kevorkian in prison and ask for the quickest method of euthanasia rather than having to deal with this slow-talking, child fondler for an insurance claim. Can you imagine what this guy would say and how many fucking times you’d have to repeat yourself?
Nationwide, I understand you’re trying to identify with your everyday consumer, but what the fuck? This guy is dumber than Lloyd Christmas and looks like Earthworm Jim. People want experts and professionals handling their crises, not Sloth from The Goonies older brother. Who runs your marketing department? I’m imagining someone that looks more ape than human. I could be wrong, but I don’t think special ed children are the ones buying insurance these days.
You: “Yes, Michael, I’ve been in an accident.”
Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “Uh oh, someone had a boo boo!”
You: “No, asshole, I’ve been t-boned by a redneck, pig fucker in a Ford F-350 dually and he totaled my car and I need to go to the hospital.”
Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “Soooo, was there any damage to the vehicle? Do you feel mad? Sometimes I feel mad.
You: “Huh? I said totaled?! Is this a child on the line or an insurance representative?”
Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “No, I’m not a child but I do love sunshine and rainbows and popsicles! Do you like popsicles? Think about popsicles and maybe you will feel better.
You: “Alright, you fucking ree ree, I’m switching to Geico.”