Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Yachtiness

Posts tagged “awesome

Coolest Birds Ever

Please stop shitting on us

This story brought Le Don Francois out of retirement, and I write this with a huge grin on my face.

You can’t make this up. Music fans and cool people across the world rejoice as Kings of Leon was forced off stage due to being shit on. Last night, pigeons in the rafters at an amphitheater in St. Louis apparently didn’t like the whiny bitch music they heard and decided to do something about it. They conveyed their dislike for the band by shitting all over them.

The show was canceled after three songs because a pigeon shat in the bassists mouth. According to the band, birds were shitting on them the entire time leading up to the show and they finally pulled the plug after multiple face shots.

Afterwards the drummer Tweeted: “So sorry St. Louis. We had to bail, pigeons sh–ting in Jared’s mouth and it was too unsanitary to continue. FULL REFUNDS 4 ALL. SO SORRY. Don’t take it out on Jared, it’s the f–king venue’s fault. You may enjoy being s–t on but we don’t. Sorry for all who traveled many miles.”

Rumor has it, KoL was unhappy about the heat and were discussing cancelling upon arrival. Either way, I can’t imagine a better scenario, unless it involved more shit and more animals, followed by the band announcing their retirement and the government burning every copy of “Sex is on Fire”. Pigeons everywhere, take note.

You can check out my favorite Kings of Leon video below:

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Yacht Week FTW

Cha-ching. I found my calling. This video gave me a semi.

Can you imagine how fucking amazing this trip would be? I can’t imagine anything better than Le Don and crew being on a yacht for a week straight and the only time I’m not baking in the sun or swimming in crystal clear water, I would be raging to some euro DJ with hundreds of girls that don’t speak my language. Honestly? Taking a yacht, that you get to choose, from port city to port city, only to get off and party with good looking, young people from across the globe? That is retardedly awesome and just the prospect of this trip makes me want to fist pump. I imagine by day 3 I would have ditched my friends and would probably wind up on some 100 footer with a group of college-aged Swedish girls who only know how to say “yes” and “that tickles”.

You have 3 choices of European cruising destinations: Ibiza, Greece, or Croatia. You also have a “Spring Break” B-squad option of doing the British Virgin Islands. I would obviously choose the Euro trip because of the accents and diversification of ethnicities, but also because I wouldn’t want to be competing for girls with guys that eat my bodyweight in protein everyday (guidos) in the BVI’s. Of course, you would have to be very stern and diligent in recruiting your deck mates. This part is vital. Obviously, the first rule is you can’t have any of your ugly friends allowed on the boat. That goes without explanation. Second, only bring friends that know how to keep shit a secret. Of course, you do want some stories leaked back to the United States, just to build on your already stellar social resume. But you don’t want Johnny Gossip on the boat with you because in most ridiculous vacays, there may be some not so yachty happenings that you don’t really want to be on the Facebook news feed when you return. Another guideline I’d probably go with is don’t bring any single girl friends on the trip with you. Chances are, on an off night when your getting drunk in a romantic harbor, that you and that single friend on the trip are going to bump uglies. Now this in itself is not a bad thing, but two days later when you’re in Port O’Debauchery banging out a spanish chick named Sophia, old friendo probably won’t appreciate it and might make for some drama for the rest of the voyage. Let’s keep things smooth.

One of your yachty options

All in all, it would cost about $3,000 to do this trip right, which is a bit on the steep side, but this isn’t JV tryouts either. Just picture yourself on the coast of Corfu wearing a sailor’s cap and drinking champagne on the deck of someone else’s yacht, while a group of topless french girls dance to Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA”. You just can’t put a price tag on that.


Feed Your Brain: King Tut Style

Now, I know most of you bitches that are reading this blog are excited about watching a show about a giant group of pathetic, desperate money grubbing females and one gigantic douchelord callled “The Bachelor”. Fret not my intelligent friends, you have other options on television. Starting last night, Discovery delved into it’s two part series “King Tut Unwrapped” which for the first time, the boy King’s DNA is mapped, his family is officially identified and his short life is investigated in detail. Since the groundbreaking discovery of his intact tomb in the Valley of the Dead in 1922, there has been an ever-increasing interest in King Tut, and ancient Egypt in general. Tonight will shed answers on many questions that have plagued scholars for decades.

If you missed the first half of the series, you can watch or record it tonight on Discovery Channel tonight at 6pm. Dr. Zahi Hawass, aka Dr. Egypt is a man who has built his life around egyptology and the mysteries surrounding King Tut and other famous ancient Egyptians. He is leading this study and now has the technology able to answer critical questions in understanding one of the most famous Pharaoh’s of all time. His distinctive voice may annoy the crap out of you, but give it 30 minutes or so and you’ll be picking up his dialect faster than your parents cleaning lady who you still don’t understand after 12 years of mopping and cleaning while you sit around and talk to her as a formality, knowing that you don’t understand one fucking word she is saying. The researchers on this show are genius, and I am certainly amped on finding out who King Tut’s real parents are. You never know, it could be your mom (ohhhhhhhh!).

So set your DVR for 6pm & 8pm tonight and be ready to record 4 hours straight of awesomeness (only 2 if you were able to catch last night). I would probably have a couple of bowl packs ready so you can break it down in installments since it is lengthy, but be ready to find out some shit about little Tut that will make your head spin. Dr. Zahi Hawass and the Discovery team are ready to kick you in the nuts with some serious ancient Egyption knowledge so wear your jock strap.


Beaaannnnnsssss

What a spunion. Honestly, How do you recover from this?

“Sup baby girl? I heard you like em big, and spun.”

Apparently, there is a huge obesity and ecstasy problem in the WWE.

“I swear, if they play AC/DC Bag I’m going to freak out, eat 4 triple stacks, and strip down to my underwear while covering myself in red paint. Might even shit myself later on. The guy next to me already has.”


Who Said Women’s Sports Were Boring?

Holy sheet. I think I found the theme for the next hit porno. Eesh. These girls are fucking loco but are actually kind of hot. “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC or that song from the “300” needs to be raging in the background during this video. Either that, or silence this video and watch it with some intense electronica.

The last triple combo K.O. that girl pulls is straight off a Chuck Norris training video. The soccer ball to the face is pretty legit too. Mormons vs. New Mexicans for the win.

I officially am a fan of women’s collegiate soccer.


Big Boi, Clipse and Yelawolf LIVE in Atlanta Friday November 27th

big_boy_flyer_sm

Everyone that is going to be in Atlanta over Thanksgiving weekend has something epic to look forward to besides getting fat as shit. Gallery Group Atlanta is kicking things off right with internationally acclaimed BIG BOI of Outkast.

Antwan Andre Patton, better known by his stage name Big Boi, is an American rapper, song-writer, record producer, actor, and one half of the alternative hip hop duo Outkast. Grammy Award winning Big Boi is performing classic and new material from his upcoming album, “Sir Luscious Leftfoot: Son of Chico Dusty”.

Combined with this incredible act, platinum artists Clipse will be throwing down, including music from their new album “Til the Casket Drops”. Clipse’s will be performing new hits like “I’m Good” featuring Pharrell Williams, while also revisiting all of their chart topping hits from previous albums. These hip-hop icons and fashion entrepreneurs are ready to return to Atlanta and rock The Gallery at King Plow Arts Center.

Yelawolf will be starting things off right with his full band, The Symphony Crack Orchestra. Voted the best live show in Atlanta by Creative Loafing, the Alabama native will be putting on a seriously wild show that you definitely don’t want to miss. DJ Mayhem will be keeping the crowd hyped throughout the evening, while Gallery Group’s own Priceless the Kid will be hosting the event.

Atlanta’s own OH SNAP! Kid will be capturing this event with his signature free lance photography and photo booth which will get out of control.

This will be one for the books… Tickets will move fast and go on sale MONDAY.

Big Boi

Clipse

Yelawolf

Symphony Crack Orchestra

OH SNAP! Kid

DJ Mayhem


Fashion Shmashion Vol. Deux

As the holiday season approaches, the weather getting colder serves as a reminder to gear up on the freshy fresh that will last you from November to March. I always like winter time because it gives one the chance to get kitted out from head to toe. Don’t get me wrong– I love the summer-time steez of rocking tee’s or sportshirts with shorts and matching sneaks, but winter is the time to take that shit to the next level, ése. Tweed, houndstooth, suede, cashmere, wool, and neutrals combined with nontraditional colors is the Looker T. Washington this winter. Jackets, vests, sweaters, hoodies with bomb tee’s or dress shirts from the waist up, cords or jeans with shoes to match the shirt from the waist down, and some sort of head covering mechanism to finish the fuckin drill. What I’m going to do next is drop some knowledge on you suckas about shoes that are being released this month. Take a seat by the fire and let Le Don show you how to keep those Christmas socks covered in something fresh.

Asics GT-II Tweed Pack

BAM, just like that you got some heaterbockles that everyone can appreciate. Asics are underrated in my awesome opinion and these are super serial and a quality addition to any closet. These Asics GT-II Tweed Packs have the old-school Fratty McFratterson appeal, while keeping the colorway variance dope enough to catch someones eye, without being too much. These kicks are as versatile as you want them to be. Dress them up with a button-down and cord blazer, or dress them down with a hoodie and a Bill Crispy tee. Either way, these are heaters have just enough “umph” to put some bourbon in your nog.

Vans Winter Chukka

Fuck your Dad’s boat shoes and your frat bros Wallabee’s. Get emo on some folk and drop the Vans Chukka on that ass to let them know you’re not a number. These neutrals will kill in any setting. I’d even consider taking these on the feet to church on Christmas Eve with a heady holiday sweater and a mustache. Get on these steezers and remix your traditional footwear with something new. Classic appeal FTMFW.

Nike Dunk SB Low "Un-Hemp"

Cop these bad boys if you like a hot sauce on your collard greens. Nike SB is cracking down on the wackness that had been plaguing most of their 2009 droppings and finishing off the year right with their November and December releases. These Nike SB Dunk Low “UnHemps” look like a sex baby between the Dunk SB  “Hunters” and the Dunk SB “Hemps”. The mellow tone of the hemp combined with the “don’t-shoot-me-i’m-hunting” orange make one rad shoe for the sneaker enthusiast. Definitely not as versatile as the others on this list, but are an absolute smash if you want to turn some heads. I don’t know about you, but I always walk a little easier knowing that I have industrial grade marijuana on my feet.

Del Toro Shoes

Come correct to your next black tie event or holiday party with a classy pair of evening slippers to go along with your cocaine and caviar. A great friend of mine in Miami, Florida started this company, Del Toro Shoes, with Stubbs & Wooton in mind, but offers his high quality shoes at about 1/4th of the price. Easy to dress down to casual with jeans and a blazer, these slippers are more versatile than one might think. Offering dozens of emroidered designs and customizable options, you can add your own touch to any pair of Del Toro’s. Raise your pinky when you drink that Champagne and get yachty this New Year’s Eve with this timeless style that is rarely seen in the South.

Spaulding, take your foot off the boat.