Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Yachtiness

Posts tagged “hipster

Hipster Shit I Want Vol. I

Yves Saint Laurent Crocodile Skin Chukkas… Ultra-luxury hipster swag. Shwing.

Outside Lands Festival. Phish, Deadmau5, Arcade Fyerrrrr, Black Keys, The Roots, STS9, GT, Big Boi, Muse, MGMT, Toro y Moi, Best Coast, and a bunch of other hipstamatic bands and artists all at Golden Gate Park in San Fran… Aug 12-14… I’ll be there yachting it up and weaving my way into the fibers of the hipster elite.

Original Nate Frizzell piece. I tried to book this guy for an art show in Atlanta but his agent said that his weekends were booked solid in 2010… obvi means he’s all the rage with the skinny-pant-wearing-Pabst-drinking crowd in Brooklyn.

Mishka x Wavves snapback. Mishka NYC, based out of Brooklyn, teamed up with noise pop band, Wavves, out of San Diego to create this incredible headwear. Adorned with a marijuana leaf in one of my favorite colors, this hat is a must have for me. They only made a handful of these for online and retail purchase, the rest were reserved for the merch booth at Wavves shows… how fuckin hipster is that?

This hat is going for like $200 on e-Bay so I tried to get a beautiful female companion to go to the Mishka store and try and flirt her way into getting me one, but then she realized she was in Brooklyn and ran for the first train to Manhattan. Models… can’t live with them, can’t live without them.


Who Wants a Mustache Ride

Mustaches can do a number of different things depending on the person rocking the stache. A mustache can say one thing for one man, and something totally different for another. Lets go check out some noteworthy staches and do little analyzation of their meaning and background. Maybe we come up with some names for these works of facial hair. Mustaches are beloved optional facial features that everyone can enjoy– from rockstars to a child molestors– mustaches really are universal.

The Meathead: “Yeah, I play fookin football and I would have goatee but it feels uncomfortable wit my chinstrap on but really, it was getting me caught with the wife. I’d go home and say that I didn’t have a drink but the drunken slobber on my chin always seemed to reek of Glenfiddich. With mustaches, I don’t have that problem, Glenfiddy doesn’t dribble up ya know. I didn’t know if you knews that or not, but it don’t.”

The Struggler: “I just don’t fucking understand it. I did THREE regional productions of Sherlock Holmes on Ice back in Minneapolis but I just can’t seem to find work in New York. I hate this city. I think I’m going to pet my cat and write some suicide notes.”

The Whatstache?: The whatstache is for the natural stache sporter. It basically insinuates that you are so manly that you don’t even notice the mustache, hence, the whatstache?


The Creeper: “I did not grab her boobs. I grazed them. It was an accident and a complete coincidence that I was in the women’s bathroom. The story about me peeking over the changing room wall at JC Penney is a complete lie too. There are plenty of other 15 year old perve-stached kids in this town with braces.”

The Local: “I’ve been in Little 5 Points since I was sixteen. I bought my first case of PBR at 5 Points Package. All these yuppies keep moving into my part of town and spending all their money, and supporting our local economy, and it’s fucking bullshit man, I’ve been here for years!”


 


Photobooth Failures

I always love going to parties, raves, concerts, and puppet shows where there are photo booths to get ridiculous in. Nothing like capturing the moment, eh? You know what else I love? Looking at random photo albums on Facebook from parties that I never attended or heard of. Some call it creepy, some call it inquisitive, I call it hilarious. All the following people came to party, but ended up getting ripped on by some random kids blog.

Rarr

Rarr

This guy is stuck at the nexus of Mortal Kombat and ecstasy. Not only does he look like a raging douche, but he also epitomizes how skewed one’s percepion of “cool” is while on drugas. This rookie rolled to the party solo. That is a Men’s Warehouse guarantee. 

Indigo Girls

Indigo Girls

This pack of lesbos keeps it real.  The girl in the middle is essentially an all-star. She came to party and she didn’t over do it with rookie antics like glowsticks or some hardass face like her linebacker friend to the left. She painted herself to look like a robot, then, she wrote “Fucking Machine” on her shirt. Point taken.  Rage.

My gosh I’m scared of the girl on the left.

Godric

Godric

This fangbanger just got done reading the last of Twilight series and saw some humans to prowl on. When he’s not working at Hot Topic, he enjoys being the person everyone looks at during a party and wonders what the hell they’re doing there without a cape and a fake sword. This guy definitely dabbles in Dagorhir.

College!

College!

Look at this crew, they just rolled up to the party in a lifted Dodge Ram.  These guys are killing it. Homie up front did drugs for the first time and decided it was worthy enough to break out his little hippie brothers tie dye shirt. Redneck Jim in the back left broke even out his hemp necklace. These guys drove all the way from Dawsonville to rage. Props to Sigma Wexicon.

Ayyyyyy

Ayyyyyy

Say hello to the drug dealer at the party. Tip to the custies,  the bookbags these guys carry at concerts aren’t filled with overnight clothes and a toothbrush. If they are wearing a grill and a chain, you can put your life savings on the fact that this guy has a bag full of felonies. Props on the grill, that thing probably gets you laid on the reg.

Awkward

Awkward

Nice flair, dog. Besides working at Flingers, this guy listens to electronica while not shaving. Apparently, he’s so emo that it’s not even gay when he hooks up with dudes.

Until next time, have a weekend worth writing about and avoid being a douche on camera.


I Can Derelict My Own Balls

No hobo

"Hey, can I keep this shirt? No hobo."

I knew I loved this company when they collabed with Etnies and came out with shoes that read “FUCKING AWESOME” across the heel. Then, when they dropped their fall/winter collection lookbook that featured vagabonds as their models, I just about peed myself. This line really is “Fucking Awesome”.

Whats better than having old ass bums as your models? Absolutely nothing. Not only can you pay them with a 40 oz. or some crack rock, but they make the photographer look like Estevan Oriol. I mean look at these dudes. These guys look like they are coming out of a 14 month blackout and they are making modeling look easy. The first guy has no idea what the hell is going on,  staring at the photographer like “Who the fuck are you and where the hell is my dadgum shopping cart? I got sardines in there.”  

Holdin my d like a pimp

Holdin my d like a pimp

Bahahaha. Come on. Really? This one is the essence of humor. A bitter-beer faced, old black man rocking a shirt that reads “Fucking Awesome”, and staring off to the distance like a supermodel, while itching his crotch like a crack head. It honestly doesn’t get more clever than that. I bet the guys that started this line are cool as shit and got these bums all boozed up and introduced them to a bunch of pretty ladies afterwards. Think about that awkward interaction. I mean that is exactly what I would do if I were them. Can you imagine these guys wandering around the launch party aimlessly, staring off into space and mumbling shit under their breath? I don’t know about you guys, but I think thats a mental image worth making a reality.

Yeah, so what

"Yeah, so what"

“I got this gay shirt on with some alien on it and these crazy ass fags are taking pictures of me.”

This guy is an exemplary bum. He looks like one of the grumpy, pissed off homeless guys that just yells shit at you when you walk by.  He’s even giving the photographer the “What the fuck are you looking at?” face. Completely awesome. They probably had to do some Crocodile Hunter type shit to get this guy into the studio. “Crikey, this guys a fiesty one. Lets use the tranquiliza dawt and shoot him right in the neck and get him to calm down niiiice n easy before we transport this beauty.” I’m pretty sure they risked their lives bringing this guy in.

Etnies X Fucking Awesome

Etnies X Fucking Awesome

Not only do people have the audacity to rock shirts that explicitly display four letter words, but there’s also that same market for footwear. I almost bought these guys, then I remembered that I have parents, and my parents wouldn’t think these are fucking awesome. It’s one thing to say it every other word on your blog that is written by an alias, but it’s a totally different beast walking around with shoes that literally scream “Fucking Awesome”. My Mom would literally wash my mouth out with soap for wearing these, which is kind of rad if you think about it. I can totally see some punk 15 year old hipster kid rolling into his parents house with these bad boys on thinking how cool he was. Then, subsequently crashing back to reality once his mom throws these things away faster than his dime bag of shwag he left in the dirty laundry.

Props, “Fucking Awesome”. You had the balls to release a clothing line that is named after a phrase you dropped after watching Shark Week. I don’t think you’ll be moving your offices to Madison Avenue anytime soon, but I commend you for launching shirts that are so hipster, that even the gnarliest of mustache sporting, skinny jean wearing, pseudo-intellects can’t even wear them.