Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Yachtiness

Posts tagged “pee wee herman

Stalking 4 Dummies

In technologies never ending quest of making reality take the back burner to social networking and virtual interaction, it has once again taken a step closer to hand shaking being obsolete, and stalking being that much more mainstream. “Recognzr” is a new iPhone app that lets you take a picture of someones face, hit “recognize”, then the app searches Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace for the person you just sketchily took a picture of.

In my awesome opinion, I think that walking up to someone with an outstretched hand as on offer of introduction is a more conventional and personable method, but what do I know, I don’t kidnap babies. How creepy can one get? How would you go about doing this? Act like your reading an email at eye level of the girl across from you on MARTA and totally play it off like nothing happened when it makes the camera shudder noise?

“Hey you look pretty cool, maybe we can be friends on Facebook, stand there while I take a picture of your face and my phone identifies you and where you live.” What normal girl wouldn’t love that? Seems to me like a device that would be great for a movie like “Hostel”. Eastern European dudes would go crazy for this app.

“Look, Vladimir, check out this great new opplication. Now, we can tell what country a tourist is from, their age, and better valuate their worth when we sell them as sex slaves.”

If this application makes any top 25 lists on iTunes, I’m putting extra locks on my doors. Creeps.

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Mona Lisa Porn?

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For all you perves out there that have seen the Mona Lisa and thought to yourself, “Damn, I wish this bitch was naked”, it’s your lucky day. This painting, that resembles a naked Mona Lisa, resurfaced in Italy after being hidden in the walls of some rich fuckers house for almost a century. There are records that suggest that this painting was done by Da Vinci, and it will undergo scientific artistic investigations to determine whether or not Leo painted those hot b-cups (maybe small C’s). Although the woman isn’t identical to the woman in the Mona Lisa, there are enough parallels in the work to draw the conclusion that this is another variation of Da Vinci’s most famous painting. Props Leo, she looks pretty fire and you did a great job of making the twins appear perky and about the same size.

Apparently, Napoleon’s uncle was a perve and he used to own this painting. The work has since changed hands a few times between sophisticated, high society porno fiends before landing in the Museo Ideale in Da Vinci’s hometown in Italy. The musem director is obviously a huge perve himself and was quoted saying “Our quest for naked Mona Lisas continues.” Eesh, keep that one to yourself you skeez. I want to see plenty of chicas naked but I don’t go releasing public statements about it, especially if they’re dead. That’s just creep.

Pee Wee Herman and Michael Jackson were both rumored to be interested in buying the painting, but quickly backed off when they realized that it wasn’t a nude portrait of a little boy.