Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Yachtiness

Posts tagged “rape

Stalking 4 Dummies

In technologies never ending quest of making reality take the back burner to social networking and virtual interaction, it has once again taken a step closer to hand shaking being obsolete, and stalking being that much more mainstream. “Recognzr” is a new iPhone app that lets you take a picture of someones face, hit “recognize”, then the app searches Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace for the person you just sketchily took a picture of.

In my awesome opinion, I think that walking up to someone with an outstretched hand as on offer of introduction is a more conventional and personable method, but what do I know, I don’t kidnap babies. How creepy can one get? How would you go about doing this? Act like your reading an email at eye level of the girl across from you on MARTA and totally play it off like nothing happened when it makes the camera shudder noise?

“Hey you look pretty cool, maybe we can be friends on Facebook, stand there while I take a picture of your face and my phone identifies you and where you live.” What normal girl wouldn’t love that? Seems to me like a device that would be great for a movie like “Hostel”. Eastern European dudes would go crazy for this app.

“Look, Vladimir, check out this great new opplication. Now, we can tell what country a tourist is from, their age, and better valuate their worth when we sell them as sex slaves.”

If this application makes any top 25 lists on iTunes, I’m putting extra locks on my doors. Creeps.

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David Cop-a-feel

David_Copperfield

So, apparently he can’t really make magic happen. As if we already didn’t think magicians were creepy enough, David Copperfield had to go and rape a chick. Congrats, you’re the richest man ever to not be able to get laid.

David Copperfield met a girl while doing a show in Washington state, and invited the poor girl to his private $50 million dollar island to a promotional event that could lead to “modeling opportunities”. I have to say, most girls I know would’ve noticed the transparent desperation in such an invitation from a 52 year old man, but they all can’t be geniuses can they?  She accepted the invitation and much to her surprise, she arrived on the island to find that it was only Copperfield there?!?

Come on, man. You’re a fucking magician. At least have some fire breathers in the front yard or some elephants walking around to distract the girl from the obvious. Maybe just hire some locals to hang out in the lawn and act like you have friends? I don’t know, but I do know that if I asked some chick to come to a promotional event, and she showed up to an empty island, the alarm bells would probably start ringing.  Apparently, she tried to call her boyfriend once she realized what the business was, and the magician pulled a Ben Stiller from “Happy Gilmore” and told her that if she called anyone, that he would murder her.  David even went as far as making her go under water naked in the ocean and when she surfaced, he told her that’s where she would stay if she told anyone??? WTF is wrong with you, Magic Man. Not legit. I do question the decision making ability of a girl that goes to magic shows at the age of 22, but that’s besides the point.

The point is that David Copperfield had to threaten this young girls life and assault her in order for her to have sex with him. Honestly? How weak is your game Coppafeel? You own a private island. You’re the most famous magician since Harry Houdini. You’re a good looking guy for your age. Your ex-wife is Claudia Schiffer. You can make people fucking disappear,  but you can’t find a girl that will have consensual sex with you?!? That sauce is most certainly weak you creepy fuck. 

Good luck making this one disappear, David. I wonder how long it will take you to break out of the shackles and chains that you’re about to be in? My guess is about 5-10 years.