Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Yachtiness

Posts tagged “short bus

Sexy People– Second Best Blog Ever

Some of the best things in life are free… Take my blog for example, or another fucking awesome blog simply titled “Sexy People”.

Glamour shots galore of people who are just unfortunate looking? WIN.

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“Why yes, I did live in the dorms all four years and no, my RA never found out that I had my kitty, George Michael, in there with me. Take THAT Georgia Tech housing department!”

I bet that cat is  furious that he’s stuck in some sweater that smells like Cheez-Wiz.

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Wooooah. Look at this little fucktard. I wonder how she turned out?

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Nothing like jean shorts over neon spandex shorts. This kid definitely drove a Mustang convertible and spit on nerds without trust funds on the weekends.

 

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This guy isn’t even that weird looking, I just want to know his name. Mother fucker sold me some fake roofies.

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I want that cardigan. Seriously, that thing is Gucci Mane fresh. Other than that, please refrain from putting all of your weight against that tree, Lady. I’m not saying it will tip over, but you never know.  

blog41Yessssss. I was googling myself for hours and finally found a picture from my glory days.  That headband/sunglasses combo will be revisited this fall on Gamedays.

For the source of these pictures, and more that will make you feel better about yourself, go HERE.

Remember, it’s not fun if it’s not at somebody else’s expense.


Video Game Freakout Part Deux

Little kids should be the blunt of more jokes.

To follow up yesterdays video of a freakout over a video game, here’s a little retard that is more around the age where freakouts over Gameboys are more acceptable. This kid gets PISSED, but hey, at least he has his seatbelt on.

Also, does anyone else think its fucked up that this video was taken from the front seat? If it’s his parents, that’s fucking great. Expose your pychotic child to the world for a five star Youtube video. Yessssss.


Marijuana Tattoos Get You Jobs

blog35Yeah dawg, thats smart as fuck. You won’t regret that in 2 days.

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Oh, don’t worry about that nug behind your ear, you’re hired! Besides, you can always just cover that right up with your hair whenever we’re around clients.

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That’s a very creative jail tatt you got there. Have fun explaining that one to your kids.

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Honestly, how sick are you of being called a pothead?


Don’t Worry, It’s Not THAT Noticeable

eesh

eesh

Last week, in Kortrijk, Belgium, 18-year old Kimberley Vlaeminck got her face fucked up by a retard with a tattoo machine. The girl went into a tattoo parlor looking to get three dots around her left eye (wtf), and was persuaded by the “artist” that stars would look better. The girl went with the visionary’s awesome advice and decided to go with the stars. Apparently, there was a minor communication error and the man tattooed FIFTY-SIX stars on the side of her face, instead of the three she requested. Seriously? How the fuck do you not notice this? If I asked for a tatt next to my eye, and felt a tattoo needle stabbing me in the lower jaw, I would probably ask to see a mirror.

Apparently, the girl and the artist weren’t the only two short bus riders involved in the story. The father apparently agreed to the facial tattoo to begin with, and offered to pay for it because it was a “family tradition”. I tend to question the parenting skills of a father that is down with a face tatt for his daughter. I don’t know about you guys, but when I came home with my first tear drop tattoo, my Dad beat the shit out of me.

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 The girl was accompanied by her father, sister, and boyfriend, but they stepped out to grab some ice cream while she was getting the tattoo. Obviously, they were gone for bit too long and weren’t there to stop the tattoo artist from inking a tiny universe on the girls face.

The girl is extremely upset and think that she looks ugly. Whaaaaaat? Ugly?! I think it makes you look smart, Kimberly. Super Dad and the family are trying to sue the tattoo shop and get the constellation removed. Haven’t they ever seen “Face-Off”? It’s not an easy operation.

Luckily, the boyfriend is a huge Mike Tyson fan and is apparently thrilled.


Womp Womp Nationwide

Ok, Nationwide, I saw this commercial last night and I have to know what the fuck is going on here. I’m all for equal opportunity employment and all that jazz but honestly, why the fuck do you have a mentally retarded man speaking on behalf of your company? I can’t look at this dude and not laugh and you expect this guy will HELP you sell insurance? I wouldn’t trust this guy to sell me crack, or heroine for that matter. 

Picture yourself getting into a car accident, frustrated as shit that some dumbfuck just hit you, and then you have to call THIS GUY. I would rather call Dr. Kevorkian in prison and ask for the quickest method of euthanasia rather than having to deal with this slow-talking, child fondler for an insurance claim. Can you imagine what this guy would say and how many fucking times you’d have to repeat yourself? 

Nationwide, I understand you’re trying to identify with your everyday consumer, but what the fuck? This guy is dumber than Lloyd Christmas and looks like Earthworm Jim. People want experts and professionals handling their crises, not Sloth from The Goonies older brother. Who runs your marketing department? I’m imagining someone that looks more ape than human. I could be wrong, but I don’t think special ed children are the ones buying insurance these days.

You: “Yes, Michael, I’ve been in an accident.”

Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “Uh oh, someone had a boo boo!”

You: “No, asshole, I’ve been t-boned by a redneck, pig fucker in a Ford F-350 dually and he totaled my car and I need to go to the hospital.”

Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “Soooo, was there any damage to the vehicle? Do you feel mad? Sometimes I feel mad.

You: “Huh? I said totaled?! Is this a child on the line or an insurance representative?”

Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “No, I’m not a child but I do love sunshine and rainbows and popsicles! Do you like popsicles? Think about popsicles and maybe you will feel better.

You: “Alright, you fucking ree ree, I’m switching to Geico.”