Cha-ching. I found my calling. This video gave me a semi.
Can you imagine how fucking amazing this trip would be? I can’t imagine anything better than Le Don and crew being on a yacht for a week straight and the only time I’m not baking in the sun or swimming in crystal clear water, I would be raging to some euro DJ with hundreds of girls that don’t speak my language. Honestly? Taking a yacht, that you get to choose, from port city to port city, only to get off and party with good looking, young people from across the globe? That is retardedly awesome and just the prospect of this trip makes me want to fist pump. I imagine by day 3 I would have ditched my friends and would probably wind up on some 100 footer with a group of college-aged Swedish girls who only know how to say “yes” and “that tickles”.
You have 3 choices of European cruising destinations: Ibiza, Greece, or Croatia. You also have a “Spring Break” B-squad option of doing the British Virgin Islands. I would obviously choose the Euro trip because of the accents and diversification of ethnicities, but also because I wouldn’t want to be competing for girls with guys that eat my bodyweight in protein everyday (guidos) in the BVI’s. Of course, you would have to be very stern and diligent in recruiting your deck mates. This part is vital. Obviously, the first rule is you can’t have any of your ugly friends allowed on the boat. That goes without explanation. Second, only bring friends that know how to keep shit a secret. Of course, you do want some stories leaked back to the United States, just to build on your already stellar social resume. But you don’t want Johnny Gossip on the boat with you because in most ridiculous vacays, there may be some not so yachty happenings that you don’t really want to be on the Facebook news feed when you return. Another guideline I’d probably go with is don’t bring any single girl friends on the trip with you. Chances are, on an off night when your getting drunk in a romantic harbor, that you and that single friend on the trip are going to bump uglies. Now this in itself is not a bad thing, but two days later when you’re in Port O’Debauchery banging out a spanish chick named Sophia, old friendo probably won’t appreciate it and might make for some drama for the rest of the voyage. Let’s keep things smooth.
All in all, it would cost about $3,000 to do this trip right, which is a bit on the steep side, but this isn’t JV tryouts either. Just picture yourself on the coast of Corfu wearing a sailor’s cap and drinking champagne on the deck of someone else’s yacht, while a group of topless french girls dance to Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA”. You just can’t put a price tag on that.
This Saturday, Zoo Atlanta is putting on their game face and throwing their second annual “Brew at the Zoo and Wine Too”. What does that entail exactly? How about a Saturday filled with monkeys, pandas, lions (rarrr), beer, reptiles, vino, and some Yacht Rock? In my cocky opinion, I’d say like it sounds like a fucking win.
Starting at 4pm (plenty of time for all you fuck ups to sober up from Friday night), the yachtiest people in Atlanta will start flooding the Atlanta Zoo in Grant Park for a good old drinking fest. Walk in, get your “tasting” mug, and get to sipping.
Terrapin, Sweetwater, and Red Brick are all sponsoring so the quality of the beer is already setting the tone for what is to be a rocking good time (there’s also wine for all you limp-wrists out there). I don’t know about you, but drinking some 420 while watching Ring-tailed Lemurs frollick in the treetops sounds like history in the making.
The epicness of this event does not stop there, live music will be playing all day long for your listening pleasure. I don’t know who The Brotherland, Kyshona, Stokeswood, or Bailey Player are, but they are playing and it’s been rumored that they are all on the verge of being the best bands in the world.
Although those aforementioned bands haven’t had the pleasure of me listening to their music, I have had the distinct pleasure of seeing Y-O-U and Yacht Rock on multiple occasions. Let me tell you right now, be prepared to get fucked up side the head with awesomeness. Yacht Rock jams out serious AM Gold circa 1973, and they do it right. They oh so smoothly caress your eardrums with sweet music by the likes of Steely Dan, Michael McDonald, Hall and Oates, Captain and Tenille, Toto, and many other yachty musicians. If you haven’t seen Yacht Rock yet and aren’t planning on going to see them tomorrow, then you’re probably a tranny.
Y-O-U, the brains behind Yacht Rock Revue, are also rocking your face off courtesy of Brew at the Zoo. My good friend and lead singer, Nicholas Niespodziani and his two cohorts, Peter Olson and Mark Cobb, will be playing their original music for all of you animals to enjoy. Y-O-U is an extremely talented group of guys and I have no doubt that everyone will love what they bring to the table. If you are broke, out of town or poor and can’t make it tomorrow, Yacht Rock commits murder every Thursday night at 10 High in the Highlands and the first friday of every month at Andrews Upstairs. Y-O-U will be also be playing at The Earl on the 27th of this month if you’re interested in some good musica. Here’s a video done by Y-O-U and the beautiful Gina Niespodziani that will give you a taste of their original sound and creative genius (your fuckin right it’s all done with Lite Brite and a camera).
Brew at the Zoo is destined to be a great time for all parties involved, even the animals. Oh, and Buckhead fuckers, this may be your chance to get outside your bumble and have a blast. Just kidding. I love you. But seriously, I’ll see you at Zoo Atlanta for a drunken festy of a good time. If you need me, I’ll be the guys swinging from the trees with a sailors cap on. Ow ow.