Beeeeeeeeeannnnns is BACK!
We missed you.
You thought you’d never see him again didn’t you?
Hmmm… if he looked like he ate 12 rolls before, then he must’ve norted 4 grams of Molly this time around. This Chris Farley protege is soaking up MGMT at Bonnaroo and boy does this bear look like he’s enjoying himself. Kids on drugs rule. Give them some glowsticks, some shiny shit, a sweatband, ski goggles, and a bottled water and they are good to go for hours! Maybe babysitters should think about this when handling unruly children. Slip them some “E”, and let the drugs babysit.
Honestly, I have to meet this guy. Next party I throw, I’m hiring this kid and feeding him a lot of drugs and he’d be the entertainment for the night. How great would it be to have your picture taken with this fat emo-wookie? If this guy and Meghan Fox were standing there offering photo ops, I’d honestly be torn.
Sexy People– Second Best Blog Ever
Some of the best things in life are free… Take my blog for example, or another fucking awesome blog simply titled “Sexy People”.
Glamour shots galore of people who are just unfortunate looking? WIN.
“Why yes, I did live in the dorms all four years and no, my RA never found out that I had my kitty, George Michael, in there with me. Take THAT Georgia Tech housing department!”
I bet that cat is furious that he’s stuck in some sweater that smells like Cheez-Wiz.
Wooooah. Look at this little fucktard. I wonder how she turned out?
Nothing like jean shorts over neon spandex shorts. This kid definitely drove a Mustang convertible and spit on nerds without trust funds on the weekends.
This guy isn’t even that weird looking, I just want to know his name. Mother fucker sold me some fake roofies.
I want that cardigan. Seriously, that thing is Gucci Mane fresh. Other than that, please refrain from putting all of your weight against that tree, Lady. I’m not saying it will tip over, but you never know.
Yessssss. I was googling myself for hours and finally found a picture from my glory days. That headband/sunglasses combo will be revisited this fall on Gamedays.
For the source of these pictures, and more that will make you feel better about yourself, go HERE.
Remember, it’s not fun if it’s not at somebody else’s expense.
Video Game Freakout Part Deux
Little kids should be the blunt of more jokes.
To follow up yesterdays video of a freakout over a video game, here’s a little retard that is more around the age where freakouts over Gameboys are more acceptable. This kid gets PISSED, but hey, at least he has his seatbelt on.
Also, does anyone else think its fucked up that this video was taken from the front seat? If it’s his parents, that’s fucking great. Expose your pychotic child to the world for a five star Youtube video. Yessssss.
Dumbass Leaves Weed Ad
Look at that face, its the face of the dumbest mother fucker on this planet. Yesterday, June 23rd, this genius from Massachusett’s left an ad on Craigslist with the title “420 help is here.” Nice code there spudnik. Cops in Tunisia know what 420 means you bong fucker.
The shithead said in the ad “Give me a ring if you need some help”, and then left his phone number.WTF? How stupid are you? A police officer took him up on his offer and bought $45 dollars worth of pot (beasters cough cough) and arrested him immediately. Good call dumbfuck.
Nike Air Dunk SB “Yellow Lobsters”
Concepts and Nike SB are back at it again with another collaboration of the “Lobsters”. The Nike Dunk SB “Blue Lobster”, that I showcased in an earlier post, sold out in seconds and are now fetching around $600-$1000 a pair on Ebay. This picture of the new news just surfaced and the “Yellow’s” are super sick. The picnic table inner lining compliments the yellow nicely and looks much better than the it did on the “Red Lobsters” from last summer. I def think the “Yellow Lobsters” kill it, but they are not quite as dope as the “Blue’s”.
A date has not been publicly set for their release, but they are sure to be uber limited. More details as they come.
This Kid’s Fucking Nuts
This is AWESOME. His mom apparently cancels his ‘World of Warcraft’ account and this is the result.
What the fuck is wrong with this kid? I thought the losers from that virtual world were nuts, but this kid makes Andy Dick seem normal. Isn’t this psycho a little old for video game freakouts and temper tantrums? His gyrating is fucking paranormal and he sounds like a murder victim.
Also, did anyone else notice the quick stick of the remote in his ass? That was fucking weeeeeeird. I don’t know about you, but that cracked me the fuck up and creeped me out simultaneously. He then followed up by going in and out of the closet? Ironic.
Marijuana Tattoos Get You Jobs
Yeah dawg, thats smart as fuck. You won’t regret that in 2 days.
Oh, don’t worry about that nug behind your ear, you’re hired! Besides, you can always just cover that right up with your hair whenever we’re around clients.
That’s a very creative jail tatt you got there. Have fun explaining that one to your kids.
Honestly, how sick are you of being called a pothead?
“You’ve seen Lord of the Rings, We Live It”
Dagorhir.com
I think I found my new group of people to prank call and harass. Check out my homies at Dagorhir.com.
Have you seen Role Models? If so, you would probably remember McLovin from Super Bad being a creepy tool that rocked a cape, a foam sword, armor, and lived in a fantasy world with other rejects. These fucking losers have battles where there are actual rules, regulations, and fantasy hierarchies. Well my friends, these creepsters actually exist and they have chapters across the nation. What the fuck.
I know some people out there love them some Lord of the Rings, but I wasn’t aware that people that drive KIA’s and smoke Doral’s actually live double lives as Frodo Baggins. I mean do they keep it a secret from their coworkers at Burger King? Do they recruit? I mean these fuckers have girlfriends in their fantasy worlds. AKA They have sex as Samwise Gamjee, getting off to the thought of boning some elf. Yeah, I just went there, but it needs to be brought to peoples attention. These dwarf fuckers houses should be put on a map, just like sexual offenders.
"Thad shows his prowess in a ready stance"... and the grease in his hair from playing video games for a week straight with no shower... nice gloves bro
For all you nerds out there that got blackballed by Lambda Lambda Lambda, the clan of ye Atlanta realm, The High Spires, are looking for warriors in the Atlanta area. I hear they are a mighty strong chapter with many a brave lad. They have an online forum, with 3 total brave soldiers in the entire message board. They also smoke pole. I know some people get lonely or sometimes get caught up in things that they shouldn’t, but I would probably rather become a meth head than hang out with these hobbits.
I knew a kid at UGA whose name was Kelvin. Kelvin carried around the Lord of the Rings (hardback version), had long bleach blonde hair, wore a leather headband, and majored in Native American Religion. He told me that his favorite thing to do was to climb up into a tree, read a book, and enjoy nature after eating a bunch of mushrooms. As normal as that sounds, I think ‘ol Kelvin could certainly be a Dagorhir suspect.
Ragnarok 2009-- Yes there are actually that many losers in one place
The Atlanta Chapter of Dagorhir, excuse me The High Spires, have practice at 1pm every Sunday at Blackburn Park. If you have any questions pertaining to practice or Dagorhir, you can email Athron@dagorhir.com. Athron, hmmm, I would be pissed. That name was apparently given to him by his father, the Prince of Rohan.
Anyways, if anybodys down to go bully some losers at Blackburn Park on a Sunday after Church, hit me up.
For further entertainment, go HERE, and check out the Aethenu chapter and all their pictures and rules… pretty fucking awesome…
This Yachty Weekend: Bad Company & Doobie Brothers @ Chastain
Check out the black leather vest in the back row. If that doesn’t define business time, I don’t know what does.
What do the Doobie Brothers, Bad Company, sailors caps, and Chastain Park equal? A yuppie yachty good time is what it smells like. You smell it? F yea you do. 
Take a good look at Bad Company and tell me you don’t want to go back in time and take notes on how they managed to bag so much tail. If you look at this picture, you should automatically think of one of three things: yachts, drugs, or sex. Anything else that comes to mind is poo and you are most certainly not yachty.
By the way, if any of you females like good music and don’t have tickets to Bad Company and Doobie Brothers, let me know. The drummer of Bad Company is a friend and is looking for a female to hang out with backstage after their set. If you understand what this means and have a thing for old bad asses with funky hair, hit me on the hip and I’ll get you where you need to be. Ow ow. Go get em.
It’s the weekend, let’s go make some bad decisions.
Maurice Clarett Making a Comeback… from Prison
Sweet tatts, dog.
Maurice Clarett is asking for an early release from prison to pursue a career in the NFL. Maurice says that the earlier that he gets out, than the earlier he can start training for the League. He claims that NFL teams have been contacting him for his services whiles he’s been in prison. Three words are immdiately coming to mind… Yeah fuckin right!
Isn’t this the same dude who was robbing people for cell phones like a year ago? Didn’t he get caught with a bunch of guns and a bullet proof vest on like right after that? Not exactly what NFL teams are looking for these days, especially after the Mike Vick and Pacman Jones escapades.
Wait a tick, didn’t you make a “comeback” already and run a 4.8 40 yard dash at the combine? I think that NFL ship has sailed, Maurice. You might have a better shot of getting out of prison if you were a little more realistic. Tell everyone that you want to get out so you can start training to become a bagboy at Piggly Wiggly. I think people might actually pity you and be more lenient if you played the pathetic loser card. But then again, who wants their groceries bagged by Maurice Clarrett?
RIP Georgia Theatre… Athens Won’t Be the Same Without You
It’s a sad day for music lovers in Athens, Georgia and to anyone that’s ever had the pleasure of going to a show at the historic Georgia Theater. Early this morning, around 7am, a fire began that eventually led to the collapse of the building located in the heart of downtown Athens. Widespread Panic, R.E.M, and the B-52’s are three world-famous bands that graced the stage of the Georgia Theater during its reign over downtown Athens and helped mold the venue into a music landmark. I can’t help but be extremely disheartened when I think of all the experiences that I had in that building.
Some of my fondest memories of my four and a half years at the University of Georgia took place in the storied Georgia Theatre. Affectionately known among my friends and I as “The GATH” or “GATHY”, I had the pleasure of going to shows at the venue weekly throughout my tenure at UGA. I can’ t count the amount of friends I made at that place, the times I had with them, and the years that we took off our life while raging there. Everytime I walked in that joint, I could count on having a great time with the people that I came with, and the people that I knew I was going to run into when I got there. Even on Gamedays (yes, it’s capitalized), I would always love going into the Theatre whenever we stepped out of the game early and start boozing with Swamp, Wilmot, and the other friendly faces that were staples of the Georgia Theatre. I have been back on multiple occasions to relive the glory days and check out some music since I’ve been in the “real world”, and the Theatre certainly hadn’t lost it’s zing. Not only did I nearly have a nostalgia attack just from walking back into the place, but also at the sheer number of familiar faces I saw after being displaced from Athens for nearly two years.
It was a fixture of Athens and my best friends and I spent countless nights tripping our faces off to some of the best bands around. Musicians and fans alike had a strong affinity for the venue and it was evident by the amount of bands that repeatedly came back year after year. A lot of great local bands were proud to call the Theatre home. Even world renowned bands loved the GATH and would come back and play there when they could easily sell out much larger venues. Sound Tribe Sector 9, Widespread Panic, String Cheese, Drive By Truckers, Beck, Galactic, The Disco Biscuits, Ween, Perpetual Groove, Lotus, Umphrey’s McGee, Band of Horses, Girl Talk, and Bone Thugs ‘n Harmony are just some of the many bands that I had the pleasure of witnessing during my tenure in Athens. It really is incredible to think of how many great bands took stage at the corner of Lumpkin and Clayton throughout the years.
This is truly a sad day. I’ve received countless texts and emails from friends that I shared experiences with at the Georgia Theatre. It really is an odd feeling. A great friend of mine that I haven’t spoken to in a while sent me a message early this morning. It read, “RIP GA Theatre. Think about all them times me and you raged it in that place. God dang.” Another friend, who is now on the other side of the country said, “Everyone else was out getting blasted in the bars, but we were in the Theatre getting our funk on, and I wouldn’t take back one second of it.” Altough not profound or philosphical statements, it was certainly true. Good times were always to be had in ‘ol Gathy and that’s a maja maja understatement. As sad and dramatic as this sounds at first, I feel like the Georgia Theatre helped influence me into the person I am today.
It’s important to be thankful for all the times we had in the Georgia Theatre. It’s a blessing that it passed away in it’s sleep and that noone was hurt. Let’s hope that the historic landmark is rebuilt and once again is a house of music so newcomers can experience the yachtiness that was the GATH. We shall miss you Gathy, and we hope that you are resurrected and once again open your doors. If you do, I will be there, and I plan on losing a shit ton of brain cells when that day comes.
What was your craziest or fondest memory of the Georgia Theatre? What will you remember most? Feel free to leave comments and this could get pretty entertaining. A benefit for the displaced employees will be put on by my good friends Perpetual Groove at the Classic Center tomorrow at 9pm.
Example Comment: ________ was awesome. I remember when it was me, _______ , _________, and ________ and we ate _______ and did _______. Man, that was _______. Can’t wait til ______ comes to town and we get to ________ again.
Nutshot Anyone? F’n Creeps
I apologize for the whole image not being able to display, but I think you get the picture. Go HERE if you really want proof that there are people really this creepy on this planet, let alone city.
I know it’s a recession, but are people really this desperate? What kind creepy shit is this? I’m disturbed solely by the fact that there is a market for this fucked up kind of perverseness. I mean beastiality may take the cake, but this is up there.
Seriously, what kind of fucked up perves are out there where they would actually pay to see some half-naked poor person get hit in the nuts? I got emailed this yesterday by a friend and thought it was a complete joke until he followed up with the link. The funniest part is that they are actually scaling the pay based on what types of hit they’re willing to take and whether or not they can record it on video? WTF is wrong with people.
Is this some creep Eastern European “Hostel” type skeez where randars pay to inflict pain on someone else? Please, if you responded to this ad, let me know so I remember to never talk to you again.
Go to adult gigs on Craigslist and then don’t lock your doors tonight. Let me know tomorrow whether or not you slept.
Hybrid Done Right: Nike Air Hoop Structure Triax 91
Freshy fresh
The bad news about these kicks is that Nike is dropping them during the wrong season. These are set to release around the holidays later this year and just really don’t look like a winter shoe to me. Can you picture these, loosely laced with a complimenting tee and some shorts? Whoo-whee these scream summa time. Granted, they are dope nonetheless, but like my homie Deolu was saying, “I can either go down to MIA in the winter to rock ’em, or I’d have to keep them on ice until summer rolled around.” Real talk.
For all of you impatient fuckers, go cop the running shoes for the summer. You can get them in multiple different colorways and they are easy to find for less than a bill. Until Nike starts dropping some new designs that are actually dope, we’ll have to feast on the leftovers.
Nike Air Structure Triax 91--Retro
Don’t Worry, It’s Not THAT Noticeable
eesh
Last week, in Kortrijk, Belgium, 18-year old Kimberley Vlaeminck got her face fucked up by a retard with a tattoo machine. The girl went into a tattoo parlor looking to get three dots around her left eye (wtf), and was persuaded by the “artist” that stars would look better. The girl went with the visionary’s awesome advice and decided to go with the stars. Apparently, there was a minor communication error and the man tattooed FIFTY-SIX stars on the side of her face, instead of the three she requested. Seriously? How the fuck do you not notice this? If I asked for a tatt next to my eye, and felt a tattoo needle stabbing me in the lower jaw, I would probably ask to see a mirror.
Apparently, the girl and the artist weren’t the only two short bus riders involved in the story. The father apparently agreed to the facial tattoo to begin with, and offered to pay for it because it was a “family tradition”. I tend to question the parenting skills of a father that is down with a face tatt for his daughter. I don’t know about you guys, but when I came home with my first tear drop tattoo, my Dad beat the shit out of me.
The girl was accompanied by her father, sister, and boyfriend, but they stepped out to grab some ice cream while she was getting the tattoo. Obviously, they were gone for bit too long and weren’t there to stop the tattoo artist from inking a tiny universe on the girls face.
The girl is extremely upset and think that she looks ugly. Whaaaaaat? Ugly?! I think it makes you look smart, Kimberly. Super Dad and the family are trying to sue the tattoo shop and get the constellation removed. Haven’t they ever seen “Face-Off”? It’s not an easy operation.
Luckily, the boyfriend is a huge Mike Tyson fan and is apparently thrilled.
Toker Tuesdays: JoJo Simmons Jr.
Maybe I'll just get a little high --Towelie
Are you ever watching tv and just think to yourself, “Man, this person has got to be a stoner”? I’m not talking about a red-eyed, red flag of a stoner that is stuffing their face with Doritos and saying “-izzle” after every word that comes out of their mouth. I’m just talking about looking at someone that doesn’t exude wookieness and knowing they’re a blazer just by their demeanor. Bill Murray, James Franco, Pharell Williams, Owen Wilson, Drama Beats from “Rob & Big”, and Kate Hudson are just a few celebs that I think look like they get their Bob Marley on when the camera isn’t around.
I was watching the season premier of “Run’s House” last night on MTV. (Yes, I do watch Run’s House and I fucking love it. Rev Run is a great role model and father, and the show is better than most MTV trash, so eat it.) Anyways, during the season premier, Rev’s eldest son JoJo rolls up to the pool at a resort in Hawaii with a shit-eating grin on his face, and a random Hawaaian dude that looked higher than Jack Nicholson in “Free Rider”. His sisters ask the two where they met, and JoJo basically spells it out for everyone by saying “on the beach”. AKA, he was walking around looking for bud and this Hawaaian dude with a ponytail hooked it up with some Sour Deez. Owesome.
Anyways, I was with my homie Eastside Ash and I said to him, “Damn, Jojo has got to be a blazer.” He responded with, “Yurp, homie was arrested for weed last month.” I obviously started googling (it’s officially a verb) and immediately found out that the aspiring rapper was popped in NYC for buying bud and was caught in the process of rolling a j in his BMW on May 9th, 2009. I know this may not come to a surprise to some of you because this happened a month ago, but I figured it was acceptable because the show premiered last night.
Why am I writing a blog about this? Well, I think it’s a damn shame that we all had to find out that JoJo smokes bud just because he was arrested for it. It seems like the only smokers that are open about their antics are in Cali, and that just ain’t right. I’d rather find out that JoJo rips reefer by him passing me a joint at a party in the Hamptons, and not by reading some haters article about him being arrested for buying a friendly little dime bag. If I smoked bud (IF), I would be upset that a little plant that happens to make you feel a little saucy is illegal. I mean, if tequila is legal, then marijuana should be encouraged because I’ve done a lot more dumb shit with a bottle of alcohol than with a sack of Mary Jane.
4 scores and 7 pipes ago
Every so often I’ll do another story on another stoner, just to exemplify the fact A LOT of people in this country smoke reef, and most of them aren’t all bad. Hell, even honest Abe Lincoln was know to hit the peace pipe. In a journal written in 1855 by the most popular US President of all times, Lincoln states, “”Two of my favorite things are sitting on my front porch smoking a pipe of sweet hemp, and playing my Hohner harmonica.” For the win!
Lakers Win! Let’s Rob a Shoe Store
The Holy Grail-- pre-championship
What is it with the riots? Chill out you crazy fucks.
After the Los Angeles Lakers became the NBA Champions on Sunday night, a ridiculous riot ensued that completely fucked up the area surrounding the Staples Center. Eleven people were arrested, two cop cars were set ablaze (awesome), and a dope sneaker store was raped by a bunch of hooligans that can’t handle their shit.
The Holy Grail, a consignment boutique of rare and vintage sneakers, was bent over by Lakers fans following their Championship victory over the Orlando Magic. Not only is this a sticky situation because their store was pillaged, but also because all the inventory at the store was on consignment (they were selling them for other people, and taking a percentage). Thousands of dollars worth of the dopest shoes on the planet are now on the feet of reckless thieves. Not only is this an outrage because of the obvious, but also because these shoes will probably get scuffed.
When the Lakers take win, Imma get dem Yeezys!
There’s one thing I never understood. Why the hell do people riot when something good happens? I just don’t get it. I’m all for a debaucherous night of fuzziness on a celebratory night, but those crazy fuckers in L.A. just took things too far. My idea of a celebration usually ends with a blackout where I wake up in my clothes that I wore the previous night, a pocket full of ridiculous bar tabs, a beer on my bedside table with one sip taken out of it, and the lights still on.
The Holy Grail-- post-championship
Come on America, let’s keep it classy when we celebrate. Get drunker than Tara Reid, smoke some cheeb, and get naked with a stranger, but leave the violent riots for South American soccer games.
Mona Lisa Porn?
For all you perves out there that have seen the Mona Lisa and thought to yourself, “Damn, I wish this bitch was naked”, it’s your lucky day. This painting, that resembles a naked Mona Lisa, resurfaced in Italy after being hidden in the walls of some rich fuckers house for almost a century. There are records that suggest that this painting was done by Da Vinci, and it will undergo scientific artistic investigations to determine whether or not Leo painted those hot b-cups (maybe small C’s). Although the woman isn’t identical to the woman in the Mona Lisa, there are enough parallels in the work to draw the conclusion that this is another variation of Da Vinci’s most famous painting. Props Leo, she looks pretty fire and you did a great job of making the twins appear perky and about the same size.
Apparently, Napoleon’s uncle was a perve and he used to own this painting. The work has since changed hands a few times between sophisticated, high society porno fiends before landing in the Museo Ideale in Da Vinci’s hometown in Italy. The musem director is obviously a huge perve himself and was quoted saying “Our quest for naked Mona Lisas continues.” Eesh, keep that one to yourself you skeez. I want to see plenty of chicas naked but I don’t go releasing public statements about it, especially if they’re dead. That’s just creep.
Pee Wee Herman and Michael Jackson were both rumored to be interested in buying the painting, but quickly backed off when they realized that it wasn’t a nude portrait of a little boy.
Beeeeeeaaaaaaaaans!
latfh.com
If any of you guys run into this guy at Bonnaroo this weekend, please give him 12 gallons of water and some glowsticks. Someone obviously told this dude that rolls taste like cheeseburgers. Everyone making the trek up to the ‘Roo, safe travels and don’t let this guy eat you.
This Yachty Weekend- Brew at the Zoo
This Saturday, Zoo Atlanta is putting on their game face and throwing their second annual “Brew at the Zoo and Wine Too”. What does that entail exactly? How about a Saturday filled with monkeys, pandas, lions (rarrr), beer, reptiles, vino, and some Yacht Rock? In my cocky opinion, I’d say like it sounds like a fucking win.
Starting at 4pm (plenty of time for all you fuck ups to sober up from Friday night), the yachtiest people in Atlanta will start flooding the Atlanta Zoo in Grant Park for a good old drinking fest. Walk in, get your “tasting” mug, and get to sipping.
Terrapin, Sweetwater, and Red Brick are all sponsoring so the quality of the beer is already setting the tone for what is to be a rocking good time (there’s also wine for all you limp-wrists out there). I don’t know about you, but drinking some 420 while watching Ring-tailed Lemurs frollick in the treetops sounds like history in the making.
The epicness of this event does not stop there, live music will be playing all day long for your listening pleasure. I don’t know who The Brotherland, Kyshona, Stokeswood, or Bailey Player are, but they are playing and it’s been rumored that they are all on the verge of being the best bands in the world.
Although those aforementioned bands haven’t had the pleasure of me listening to their music, I have had the distinct pleasure of seeing Y-O-U and Yacht Rock on multiple occasions. Let me tell you right now, be prepared to get fucked up side the head with awesomeness. Yacht Rock jams out serious AM Gold circa 1973, and they do it right. They oh so smoothly caress your eardrums with sweet music by the likes of Steely Dan, Michael McDonald, Hall and Oates, Captain and Tenille, Toto, and many other yachty musicians. If you haven’t seen Yacht Rock yet and aren’t planning on going to see them tomorrow, then you’re probably a tranny.
Yacht Rock Revue
Y-O-U, the brains behind Yacht Rock Revue, are also rocking your face off courtesy of Brew at the Zoo. My good friend and lead singer, Nicholas Niespodziani and his two cohorts, Peter Olson and Mark Cobb, will be playing their original music for all of you animals to enjoy. Y-O-U is an extremely talented group of guys and I have no doubt that everyone will love what they bring to the table. If you are broke, out of town or poor and can’t make it tomorrow, Yacht Rock commits murder every Thursday night at 10 High in the Highlands and the first friday of every month at Andrews Upstairs. Y-O-U will be also be playing at The Earl on the 27th of this month if you’re interested in some good musica. Here’s a video done by Y-O-U and the beautiful Gina Niespodziani that will give you a taste of their original sound and creative genius (your fuckin right it’s all done with Lite Brite and a camera).
Brew at the Zoo is destined to be a great time for all parties involved, even the animals. Oh, and Buckhead fuckers, this may be your chance to get outside your bumble and have a blast. Just kidding. I love you. But seriously, I’ll see you at Zoo Atlanta for a drunken festy of a good time. If you need me, I’ll be the guys swinging from the trees with a sailors cap on. Ow ow.
Seriousl
Nike Dunk SB “Blue Lobster” FTW!
Nike Skateboarding is back again this Summer with another variation of the “Lobster” and whoo-whee are these fresh. These “Blue Lobsters” are going to be an extremely limited release and Nike SB put their thinking caps on when it came to this release. Each pair is bagged and tagged like a live lobster and put in a foam box along with lacelocks and a Nike SB tee shirt. The sticker on these is $250 bills, but you probably won’t have to worry about that unless you happen to be in Cambridge, Massachussets on June 20th, where they are set to be released at Concepts. Even if you happen to be a big enough hype beast (with no life) to make it to Cambridge, there is going to be a raffle for these sneaks. AKA you have to have no life and be lucky. Double whammy for all you custies out there.
If you aren’t in the Cambridge area and need some new kicks to add to the closet. Nike is releasing the “Mint Green” Nike Air Max 95 later this week and they are super dope. Air Max 95’s are hotter than a plate of yams with extra syrup so cop these if you’re looking for some heaters that are easy to find and wont break the bank.
Nike Air Max 95 "Mint Green"
Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid for Serious Cheese
Yeah, I’d be a fist pumping son of a bitch too if I just got news that I just got sold to Real Madrid for $130 million dollars. This euro-mullet wearing, Portuguese pimp is making history, not by scoring goals or tail, but by being the highest paid soccer player of all time. Zinedine Zidane, the infamous head butter and man beast was the highest paid futbol player until now. He was only being paid a dismal $108 million. Poor bastard. Ronaldo’s not going to be the only person on the pitch in Madrid with fat pockets, though. Brazilian superstar, Kaka, is reportedly working out a deal with Real Madrid for $100 million. That’s $230 million dollars for two players. Shwing. They better tagteam some… uhhh…. other teams.
I’m proud of you, Cristiano. Not only are you getting paid $130 mill, but you are taking those riches and giving back to those who need it most. Let’s be real here, Ronaldo can bang any broad on Earth if he wanted to for free, but Ronaldo is such a giver that he actually pays for them! What a sweetheart.
In 2008, he skipped a Machester United party to go to Rome and bang out two prosties, where he swapped girls with one of his buddies, and I’m pretty sure some high-fiving was involved. Manchester United just didn’t understand and fined him $1 million dollars. For goodness’ sake, he was just putting a roof over their heads, and some sausage in their mouths. Just four months before that, he was caught having another philanthropic orgy with 5 hookers and two teammates. Apparently he paid for them all, which is like uber generous because he not only paid those innocent little princesses for sex, but he also paid for his friends to bang them like chicken piccatta too. Stories like this just make your heart go out to a man for being so selfless. Oh, and his history of giving doesn’t stop there, in 2005, he was caught with a prostitute in a London hotel, and that ungrateful bitch had the audacity to accuse him of rape. But, being that she was a whore, her claims fell on deaf ears. During all of this, Cristiano could’ve easily thrown in the towel and just started fucking groupies for free, but no, he’s a fighter.
What’s the lesson to be learned here? Not much, actually. I guess it would be that if your a bad ass, then you can do whatever the fuck you want (and still get paid copious amounts of money). Ronaldo, keep fighting the good fight, keep scoring goals, keep collecting checks, and don’t worry, I won’t tell your girlfriend (who happens to be hot as fuck) that you’re a syphilis carrying skeez.
Womp Womp Nationwide
Ok, Nationwide, I saw this commercial last night and I have to know what the fuck is going on here. I’m all for equal opportunity employment and all that jazz but honestly, why the fuck do you have a mentally retarded man speaking on behalf of your company? I can’t look at this dude and not laugh and you expect this guy will HELP you sell insurance? I wouldn’t trust this guy to sell me crack, or heroine for that matter.
Picture yourself getting into a car accident, frustrated as shit that some dumbfuck just hit you, and then you have to call THIS GUY. I would rather call Dr. Kevorkian in prison and ask for the quickest method of euthanasia rather than having to deal with this slow-talking, child fondler for an insurance claim. Can you imagine what this guy would say and how many fucking times you’d have to repeat yourself?
Nationwide, I understand you’re trying to identify with your everyday consumer, but what the fuck? This guy is dumber than Lloyd Christmas and looks like Earthworm Jim. People want experts and professionals handling their crises, not Sloth from The Goonies older brother. Who runs your marketing department? I’m imagining someone that looks more ape than human. I could be wrong, but I don’t think special ed children are the ones buying insurance these days.
You: “Yes, Michael, I’ve been in an accident.”
Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “Uh oh, someone had a boo boo!”
You: “No, asshole, I’ve been t-boned by a redneck, pig fucker in a Ford F-350 dually and he totaled my car and I need to go to the hospital.”
Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “Soooo, was there any damage to the vehicle? Do you feel mad? Sometimes I feel mad.
You: “Huh? I said totaled?! Is this a child on the line or an insurance representative?”
Nationwide Lazy-eyed guy: “No, I’m not a child but I do love sunshine and rainbows and popsicles! Do you like popsicles? Think about popsicles and maybe you will feel better.
You: “Alright, you fucking ree ree, I’m switching to Geico.”
Priceless the Kid- “No Barcode” EP on iTunes NEOW
Home boy Priceless the Kid really came correct with his first EP titled “No Barcode”. Waiting for his turn after being on the same stage as B.O.B., Killer Mike, and Big Boi, The Diamond Supply Co. repping, former skater and Georgia native infuses all the influences of his life into a seven track release that is on point. Life experiences of growing up in Georgia, New Jersey, Guam, and Hawaii are evident in his intellectual, buttoned-up lyrics and innovative style. Priceless’ lyrics make you think that homie should be reading a Mensa publication instead of High Times.
“No Barcode” is a breath of fresh air for all hip-hop fans that are sick of the boujee bullshit that invades their eardrums via the radio, BET, and MTV. Not only are his lyrics on on smash, but the beats are HARD. What other rappers do you know out there that are ripping their lyrics over live violin and guitar?
The EP release covers everything from club bangers, to ride-n-high, chill blast-off’s that make you want to quit what your doing and go grab the peace pipe and get your Pineapple Express on. All seven tracks show a different side of Price. “Witness (feat. Yelawolf)” is a cocky joint that is sharp as fuck. “Private Party (feat. Niko Villamar)” is a heater that really gets your feet to steppin and is a locker to be played at la discoteca. “Get Out & Get It” is grinder and really makes you wish that more rappers would start spitting over live instruments. “Believe It” paints the perfect picture of dreamer with drive that’s just waiting for his chance to make noise, and shit on all the haters that doubted. Anytime I’m riding high, I throw on “I Just Wanna” as my new smokers anthem and space out and wonder how The Kid wrote a track about my girl Mary, and sounded so damn smart.
Priceless the Kid is killing it in his EP and one can only give props to home boy for the cleaner than Clorox initial release. Stay tuned for more, because Price isn’t going anywhere. In the meantime, go to iTunes or Amazon and buy Priceless the Kid’s “No Barcode”.
Priceless the Kid and Ya Boy
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